I haven’t been writing. In the choas of life I haven’t really had anything I felt good enough about sharing. My celebrations and trials over the last few months have been extremely personal; too personal to share. I have made mistakes and I have been praying to the Lord to conquer some of those little demons that try to inch in when I am not looking. I have had wonderful celebrations and beautiful moments with the people I love. I have been living and I have been trying really hard to bring Jesus along with me everywhere I go but I can always bring in a good bike analogy and this came out for a friend.

Life is hard. The harder it is the more you seem to learn but sometimes the road is bumpy, up hill, and you are going against the wind and you would rather crawl in the ditch on the side of the road then take one more step forward. However, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13) and Jesus will give you the strength and resolve to keep taking that next step.

Just keep moving forward knowing that you will always have one more step until your have opened your eyes and taken that first beautiful breath on His side of Heaven.

“Be still, and know that I am God!”  (Psalm 46:10)

I haven’t been writing.  I can admit that I miss writing but in a way that you might miss a friend you went to school with years ago: you know they are right there but you really have nothing to say so you don’t.  If there is one thing I have learned it is that God will use us how He needs us and, at the end of the day, I am falling down into bed exhausted as God is running laps in my mind and my heart.

 I have a friend in England I have never actually met.  We started corresponding through my devotions that she found on the blog.  She is my writing cheerleader…everyone needs an encourager.  I imagine my silence has frustrated her to no end as she prays and prays for the day I finally start editing my over-400 pages and try to publish. I am glad God brought her in my life.  Unfortunately, distance means she can’t really see what I am doing as a service to God.  It’s like that isn’t it?  If we don’t see someone on top of the volunteer hill we almost always assume that they obviously aren’t doing anything.  How wrong we can be!

 There is an older gentleman at our church who helps our Administrative Assistant put together the newsletters and bulletins during the week, most people wouldn’t see him doing this.  We have a group of people who do janitorial work voluntarily at our church on Mondays.  There are numerous people who pray every morning for our church family and staff.  We have people who make blankets, kits, meals, soups, and cookies to give to families whenever the need may arise.  There are so many behind-the-scenes ministries that I am not doing them justice.  I guess my point is that every ministry is important and equally so.  My pinky toe may be small and ugly, and I could do without it, but it completes my foot.  Everything everyone does for God is a big and beautiful thing.

I am humbled in that, although I am not writing every morning, God has given me other things to do and I have accepted His challenge.  What is God asking of you today?  Where is He taking you?  I promise, every and any way that God chooses to use you is big to Him!

 “But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it.  How strange a body would be if it had only one part!  Yes, there are many parts, but only one body.” (1 Corinthians 12:18-20)

“The Redeemer will come to Jerusalem to buy back those in Israel who have turned from their sins,” says the Lord.  (Isaiah 59-20)

 I found this verse very interesting.  It doesn’t say someone is going to come and heal everyone of His children.  The verse doesn’t say that God is going to swoop in and be the Daddy Worbucks of the world and grant every material wish it may have.  And Isaiah isn’t saying that the Redeemer is going to tap dance His way into our hearts with sales slogans or begging.  “The Redeemer will come….to buy back….those…who have turned from their sins.”

 Jesus came to earth as man for one reason and one reason alone:  to be the perfect Lamb.  He showed us the way and then paved the road for us with His own blood.  Now, when you confess your heart to God and accept Jesus as your Redeemer you are promised an eternity with Him.  All the blessings that fall on you, all the trials that make you stronger, the people who come into your life to make it richer, and looking in a child’s eyes—your child’s eyes—is all icing on an already perfect cake.  The Savior came for you, to buy you and bring you to the Lord, and your eternity has already begun.

 “And the people will come from all over the world—from east and west, north and south—to take their places in the Kingdom of God.  And note this:  Some who seem least important now will be the greatest then, and some who are the greatest now will be the least important then.” (Luke 13:29-30)

“Yes, I am the gate.  Those who come through me will be saved.” (John 10:9a)

 *This one is for Cleanslate Evangelical Ministries, thank you.

 A couple weeks ago I was doing a deposit run for work.  Our offices are located right to the south of downtown Des Moines.  I take 7^th Street into downtown but then it melds into one-way 6^th Street before I get to the bank.  Just passed the train tracks, and right there at the court house, I see a red car hang a u-turn and get in the left lane heading right toward me.  Honestly, if I wasn’t on company time I may have played chicken a little longer than I did, but I switched lanes and was dumbfounded because the woman was looking at me like I was going the wrong way!  Surprisingly, I kept me trap shut and my mind somewhat silent and I was thankful for the sermon on our tongues the day before. J

 How long did we go the wrong way on our life road before we realized it?  How often do we question which the right way is when our Bibles are sitting in our laps and God places signs and people all around us?  And, how often do we know we are going the right way yet people look at us like we are crazy?  Either way, it seems people are going to stare at what you and I do.  They are carefully watching, even if they say they aren’t, because it is curious for people to live for something others don’t understand.  We have come through the gate and are walking those greener pastures even as we struggle with our sins, joblessness, financial burdens, troubled relationships and I think people looking in don’t understand our constant joy and peace because we know we are going the right way.

 “If the Lord wants us to, we will live this and do this or that.”  (James 4:15b)

“And when I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw everyone to myself.”  (John 12:32)

 The kitchen is not my normal morning prayer spot.  I usually sit on the couch in my living room with my eggs and coffee next to me as I do my devotions.  However, as the coffee was brewing and the microwave was going I closed my eyes and the prayers kept coming.  It’s amazing how in such a short moment of time I can feel sorrow, praise, thankfulness, concern, excitement, love, and passion all at the same time.  I felt sincerely hugged by Jesus this morning and when I read this verse I couldn’t help but imagine He gave me an extra squeeze as well.  I like the idea of being drawn to Him.

 This morning I am reminded that God will meet me where ever I am.  If I allow Him, He will draw me closer to Him no matter where I am standing.  I could be standing in the sanctuary at church or I could be falling into bed in exhaustion after having it out with one of the kids or my husband….you know, those days when your anger gets the best of you!  Jesus will be there regardless if I am swimming in mission projects or just trying to make it through a day of nothing to do.   Today He met me in the kitchen, where is He going to find you?

 “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.”  (James 1: 2-3)

“It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.” (Psalm 127:2)

 I slept almost all day on Friday.  Some people would say I deserved the long nap.  Others might think I am lazy.  I wonder if it was because it was the first time since, I am pretty sure, December that we had nothing planned and no activities going on and my body didn’t know what to do and just shut off.  I am coming off my daughter’s musical and an amazing VBS and I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect down-time weekend.  However, I am sad to see I haven’t reached some personal goals and even more sad with the loss of life going on while I experience these mountain top things. 

 I realize that some people will be in a really great place while others walk in the valley of shadows and that it’s normal.  My high school class lost a childhood friend last month.  Last week a friend from our high school “gang” lost his mother to cancer.  My friend’s daughter has been in the hospital for over a week after her appendix burst.  As the world knows, many deaths have plagued the media in recent weeks.  But, on the other hand, our church family is coming off a surprisingly successful event and the future looks bright.  My family is healthy and happy and the bills are paid.  I love my job and I am about to see one of my best friend’s next week.  I really have nothing to complain about.

 So, as I start my week off conflicted I will remember to pray often, shake off the daily stress stuff, and count my blessings.  I know I will not always be on this mountain top as I know others will not always been in that valley.  We need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, pray for each other, and reach out to one another.  Life is happening right now.  Are you paying attention?

 “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.  God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.  God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.  God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.  God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called children of God.  God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of heaven is theirs.”  (Matthew 5:4-10)

“A time to hear and a time to mend.  A time to be quiet and a time to speak.”  (Ecclesiastes 3:7)

 For a time I thought I have been experiencing a complete and total burnout.  I thought I was tired from long hours of homework, car pools, house cleaning (or lack there of), driving back and forth to wherever the kids need to be, and training at work which involved many long hours of staring at documents and spreadsheets and trying to remember what each one says. School is over, car pool is over, the kids are home more to help around the house, but now I have joined the planning team for VBS at church and that is keeping me very busy.  I have missed writing every morning but I haven’t been getting up in time to do it. I have felt lonely and like something was missing.

 This week I realized that nothing was missing.  Two things occurred to me at the same time.  First, I promised myself I wouldn’t write just to write and, honestly, I haven’t felt like saying anything lately. Second, nothing at all has been missing.  My plate is most definitely full and it’s full of really great stuff.  My daughter is in an amazing musical that has been eating up my weekends but I love being down at the theater and to be able to share this with her has been a blessing for me.  I love my job and the opportunities that have presented themselves to me.  I feel slightly overwhelmed but I know I am where I need to be and it’s going to be all good.  Finally, I am excited to be a part of VBS this year.  It’s crazy, stressful, and a blessing.  I am anxious to see the kids and the leaders walk through those doors Sunday night.  So, nothing has been missing.  God just helped me lighten my load a bit so that I could find balance.

 My relationship with Jesus may have changed a bit in the last couple of months.  I guess if I were to try to explain it I would say that up until May I was sitting down and having coffee with Him as we talked about life (thank you Sally).  Now, I feel like we aren’t talking to each other as much as we are building something great together.  He has never left my side and its okay that someone isn’t always talking in any relationship.  Silence is golden, or maybe silence is me going nuts from mixing too many things together.  So, if things seem crazy or you feel kind of off take a step back and try to see the bigger picture.  I am sure that you are in the midst of an opportunity and you will enjoy it more if you see it now than if you have to constantly look back on it later.

 “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it give us assurance about the things we cannot see.” (Hebrews 11:1)

“But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.  And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”  (Matthew 10: 29b-31)

 I have been able to do a lot of reading lately.  The kids and I have been taking trips to the library and I am bringing home 6-8 books a week.  Saturday I read a book that I really felt reached in and touched my soul.  Have you ever had that happen?  I mean I read books I love, read books I can’t get enough of, and read books that I can relate to but this could book could have been about me and could have described my life before Jesus…and after (kinda). 

There is something about walking around feeling worthless and dirty.  There is something about wanting a prince charming to come and rescue you but after reading dirty romance novels you have an unrealistic idea of love and passion.  It wasn’t until Jesus met me where I was that I knew I was worth something.  And it wasn’t until Jesus cleaned away the dirt that I mucked up in my life that I knew what real love was.  It was then that I could truly love my husband and my children.  It was then that I slowly begun to learn about grace, forgiveness, and understanding.

God has a big plan for everyone.  Even in this economic and political turmoil God is here. He is there is your smallest and your biggest celebrations and struggles.  Jesus is there on the left and right.  God is sitting with you in the pew on Sunday morning and at your desk when you go to work Monday morning.  God is with you when you have to have those tough discussions with your kids and He is there when your kids make the right or the wrong decision without you looking over their shoulder.  God’s plan is perfect.  No matter what we decide to do His plan will work.  If anyone could screw up a good plan it’s me (ask the hubby) but God didn’t let me stay in that dark place.  He brought me out and now I can live in the light! 

“For I know the plans” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  (Jeremiah 29:11)

“This is what the Lord says:  ‘Stop at the crossroads and look around.  Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it.  Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls.’” (Jeremiah 6:16a) 

Sleep is a beautiful thing.  I can say that very proudly as I got my first good night of sleep in over two weeks.  This beautiful spring air is doing a number to my sinuses.  My allergies are in full force.  I have trouble breathing.  I am constantly blowing my nose.  My eyes feel like they have scratches on them.  I am starting to hear a gurgling in my ears and all these things combined leave me up most of the night because it’s hard to sleep when you can’t breathe and you are always blowing your nose!  It took all weekend but the insurance company approved the meds the doctor prescribed last week and I slept all night. 

 My relief comes in small doses.  If I want to sleep all night I have to take this pill at night which means I may be blowing my nose quite a bit today, at least until I supplement with something over the counter, but there is relief.  I will probably continue to be trapped in the house for a couple more weeks and then POOF my allergies will disappear, the drainage will go away, and I will be as normal and I can get.  In all the trials I have gone through, and that lay before me, this is probably small in comparison but it is a hard time for me all the same.  

Life is a constant stream of experiences, some of them joyful and some painful.  If we let Him, God can use anything to bring us closer to Him and to make us stronger.  I am surrounded by the joys of new life, friends making new homes, new beginnings, and even new careers.  I am equally surrounded by risky surgeries, the return of cancer, and people I love having to face the pain of losing their jobs, homes, and security.  Over and over again this week I have heard that God will use our trials to make us stronger.  I swear versus that cover this are everywhere I turn and I appreciate it so much.  As I spent about a month in a shadow of time and I see myself coming out of that, stuffy nose and all, I am thankful that I know that God will bring me through anything no matter how insignificant it may be or how heavy the burden feels. 

 “In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus.  So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.  All power to him forever! Amen.” (1 Peter 5:10-11)

“I called out to you so often, but you wouldn’t come.  I reached out to you, but you paid no attention.  You ignored my advice and rejected the correction I offered.” (Proverbs 1:24-25)

 The first few innings of last night’s softball game didn’t start out so great.  This was our first game in two weeks and our third time playing together.  Our team is made up of people who really don’t know each other.  We were grateful the first game because we came together quite nicely, last night we were off.  I really shouldn’t judge.  I play as little as possible (I am subbing and only as I favor, I didn’t want to play this year), so I feel bad when I cringe at the errors made on the field but something had to give.  

During the top of the fifth inning I looked at the other player in the dugout and suggested that we move some people around.  He agreed and we quickly decided who would move where.  Luckily, everyone on our team is pretty easy going and they each are willing to play where ever they are needed.  A couple of swaps of positions and we saw an immediate difference.  Before they were able to get almost ten runs, after the change they only got a couple more.  We did lose the game but we lost pleased with ourselves for knowing when to make changes and listening to the team in an encouraging way to perform as best as we could. 

 There are so many times when it feels like I am doing the same thing over and over again.  Everything becomes routine, regardless if it working or not.  There are other times when new ideas are presented that I just want to shut them down because there is no way that they would ever work.  I cannot count the number of times I should have changed or the limitless number of times an idea I thought was crazy turned out to be extremely successful.  I need to remember that I am not walking alone and I need to listen to God and be more open-minded to the people in my life.  I want to be humble and moldable.  Sometimes I feel hard and flaky.  Listen.  Listen for God and listen to the things going around you.  You may be surprised at what is waiting for you on the other side and you may just experience a better inning in life than you were expecting.

 “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19a)