I Made Her Cry

“Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.” (Psalm 25:4-5)

 

It’s hard to see someone who is usually on the move lying in a hospital bed but that is exactly what my sister has been doing since Sunday. She tells me how friends have come in and try to hide their shock but when she looks at them she see their concern, which makes her tear up, then they tear up, then everyone is crying. Me, I have been a very good girl….until last night. I have saved my tears for when I am away from her because I don’t want her upset or thinking that my tears aren’t tears of joy and thanksgiving. But last night we were talking about something and a little water escaped my well trained eyes and then she started telling me I can’t get upset.

 

I think about all the stupid things I stress out about and I feel miserable about it. Although I don’t want to discount my trials and my problems because they were struggles for me, they still were nothing compared to the battle so many people have to endure to get back on their feet or, if you live in countries of war, famine, or genocide, the fight to simply live. Things aren’t where I want them to be in my life but I am blessed. My sister has a challenging road ahead of her but she has this amazing attitude and determination to get through it and I admire her greatly.

 

Lots of times, with my reoccurring dilemmas, I tend to think it’s pointless and not even try, which is hilarious considering how many things I had to work hard to achieve! Are there things in your life that you have given up on? Are there things that you feel are hopeless? I haven’t crushed all the snakes at my heel but I know it can be done. God gives us everything we need to accomplish this and if we aren’t meant totally smash it, He will give us the strength to endure.

 

“When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—the moon and stars you set in place—what a mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them! Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor.” (Psalm 8:3-5)

Doing Everything Wrong

“He seized the dragon—that old serpent, who is the devil, Satan—and abound him in chains for a thousand years. The angel threw him into the bottomless pit, which he then shut and locked so Satan could not deceive the nations anymore until the thousand years were finished.” (Revelations 20:2-3a)

 

I spent most of yesterday afternoon at the hospital with my sisters. The middle of the three of us had to be admitted. She had some bleeding on her brain that has stopped. However, it has caused her to struggle with her speech and some of her motor skills on her right side. They will be running more tests on her this morning to determine what happened and how to fix it. I was, of course, panicked when I got the phone call but a very good friend talked me through it. Then on the way home I was sad to leave her. Finally, as I am sure my body was completely drained of energy from the day, I realized how lucky we were that she was still alive and I spent the rest of the evening near, or at, tears. I went to bed, and then woke up, very thankful that I get to call her and visit her today….again, on the brink of tears.

 

I feel like I am doing everything wrong lately. I spend lots of my time eating too much, not sleeping enough, being stressed, worrying too much, and being angry too much. It sounds weird just typing that out because, on the other hand, I have been trying to focus on God, filled with adoration for Him, and loving seeing Jesus in so much of my everyday. There are obviously two sides of me at conflict right now and when I realize this I get even angrier because I know how it all ends. Jesus wins. We win. The devil, and all the fallen things of this world, will lose! We know the end of the story. Satan knows the end of the story. So, why then, do have moments when we struggle with direction, with life, and with our emotions and choices. God has simplified everything so well but I continue to make it so hard.

 

I was reminded yesterday of what a sweet gift God has given us with our loved ones and I don’t want to waste any of the time I have with the people in my life or the job that God has given me. It’s hard to walk in the Light when you carry too much on your back, and I have been carrying too much on my back. My prayer today is that I will start handing over my worries, my eating, my sleeping, and my stress to God and let Him carry them. He is much better at carrying that kind of stuff than me anyway. And we need to remember that we can chose to live in the struggles of this world or we can choose to live in the victory that we know is Christ Jesus. I want to choose victory!

 

“I saw no temple in the city, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of the day because there is no night there. And all the nations will bring their glory and honor into the city. Nothing evil will be allowed to enter, nor anyone who practices shameful idolatry and dishonesty—-but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.” (Revelations 21:22-27)

 

It’s Going to Happen

“Wisdom belongs to the aged, and understanding to the old.” (Job 12:12)

 

So, I work with my sister. She came into my office yesterday and we just sitting there talking when she really grasped the extent of how much grey hair I really do I have. Nothing interrupts a conversation like the amazing discovering that, yes, your big sister has grey hair. My greys hide well in the massive amount of dark brown, but I promise you they are there and they are multiplying. Then, as I look in the mirror I have noticed that my laughter and my happy days are beginning to etch themselves on my face around my eyes and mouth. In the back of my mind I feel this little whisper telling me I should be sad at these changes. However, I am not who was last year, five years ago, or 10 years ago… why would I want to look like I did at those times?

 

God changes us from the inside out. I can joyfully shout that I am not the selfish and spoiled person I was before and I can happily embrace how God has done wonders in my life. I can also look in the mirror and see the changes as time goes by and thank God for those as well. It’s not as easy to thank God for wrinkles and grey hair but with each day I get one more step closer to heaven and if this is what I have to go through to get there I am fine with that.

 

Where are going to get older, no matter how hard we try not to. Although I wouldn’t say I have a huge level of maturity, so please don’t judge how much I have grown up by that, but I do believe that when I attach myself to God’s Word I can find wisdom and understanding. I may have baby crows feet and tons of grey hair (I think it’s silver) but I actually think it’s pretty fun; like getting to play the role of a grown-up without having to be one. Seriously, we are going to get older and with that comes aging….like a fine wine. Why fight this? Why be upset by this? We need to thank God for everyday we get to live in His light. We need to stand in awe at the way he made us ever-changing inside and out! And we need to find the beauty in our experiences so that we can share it with all those who are following in our footsteps. 

 

“I see that the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right before me. No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope.  For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your Holy One to rot in the grave You have show me the way of life, and you will fill me with the joy of your presence.” (Acts 2: 25b-28)

Early in the Morning

“Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.” (Psalm 5:3)

 

I woke up around three this morning and God wasn’t answering my prayers the way I wanted Him to. I had stayed up late, falling asleep watching the Olympics and then woke up early watching what I think was the medal ceremony. After realizing what time it was and spending a half an hour trying to get to sleep I realized sleep wouldn’t come because I was afraid that if I tried to go back to sleep I wouldn’t wake up to go walking at 5 am. Then, I felt tired enough that I spent the next hour asking myself if I really did want to go walking and praying that one of the girls would call me and tell me to stay in bed because everyone was too tired. We walked.

 

For August in Iowa the mornings have been particularly cool this week. The walks have been a refreshing start to our day and a time when we can try to work out our anxieties about facing another school year and getting ready for fall to begin. I imagine many households are stressed and stretched. Personally I have so much I want to do around the house this next week but I also want my kids’ last few days of summer to be full of fun and play and so I am left feeling strained and split on what do or where to go….we usually go play.  I believe some of this strain is what is causing me to confuse my calendar and be off on my days and weeks. However, our walks in the morning seem to help me work that all out and what I do not work out walking and talking from 5 am – 6 am, I work out with God through praying, reading, and writing. Early in the morning is my favorite time.

 

I love my mornings and I feel the loss when I skip out on any one part of my routine. Within the first two hours of most mornings I get “me” time with friends, a workout, and quiet time with God. I have had days when one or more of those elements are gone and the days just don’t go as smoothly. In the piece and the quiet of the morning, when my brain isn’t up enough to fog over too badly, I can experience a peace and a surrender that is difficult to describe, so I am not going to but I will share that it’s a time when I can actually sit here with a little grin and feel God in my heart. A deep breath in, a deep breath out, and then comes joy…

 

“Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” (Lamentations 3:23)

Kids are so Lucky

Suppose a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or mother, even though they discipline him. In such a case, the father and mother must take the son to the elders as they hold court at the town gate. The parents must say to the elders, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and refuses to obey. He is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his town must stone him to death. In this way, you will purge this evil from among you, and all Israel will hear about it and be afraid.” (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)

 

Reading those verses my eyes got big and I thought about how many of us would be without children had we lived in the days of Moses. I mean, almost any time you read about taking something to the town gate to hold court in the Old Testament you can just as often guarantee that someone or something was going to get stoned. But, I think there is one thing parents can take from passages like these and that is that you are not alone. An entire village was there to take care of business over 2000 years ago and you have an entire village to help take care of business today. It’s just that “business” has evolved over time.

 

Within our church family at Oakwood we have teachers, leaders, encouragers, mentors, and role models. Hopefully all churches have these kinds of people. Not only can we get advice from each other but we can learn from each other and we can listen to each other. Because of the people in my village I know that my kids are normal and I get ideas and direction when we hit stumbling blocks. And because of the people in my village my children have excellent role models and mentors in their life helping guide them on their faith journey.

 

We are not alone in anything. When you are part of a strong Christian church you have the love of God surrounding you through all the gifts, talents, and experiences of your brother and sisters in Christ. Find the blessing of a church family and you will not find an easy ride through life, but you will find the tools you need to take on the journey. And love on your children when they are naughty and when they are nice. They need to know that you love them and that every day is a new day to start again.

 

“Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.” (Mark 9:37)

A Deeper Kind of Sadness

“I lift my hands to you in prayer.  I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, Lord, and answer me for my depression deepens.” (Psalm 143:6-7)

 

When my husband and I were first living together he thought I was a very unnatural creature indeed. You see, most mornings I pop out of bed ready to start with my day full force. He may leave his bed, eventually, in the morning but doesn’t really wake up for a few hours. He thought it was weird for someone to be so cheerful that early in the morning and not only that, I would stay my poppin-self until it was time to go to bed and crash. I annoy him to no end because, for the most part, this has not changed.  I can say that I am generally a cheerful person and I enjoy life greatly. I love to laugh and play…even through the serious stuff.

 

However, I have been in the dark valleys of life. I am human and there are days that I have tell myself to put one foot in front of the other just to make it through but that is still not the lowest I have been. I have gone so deep that I was afraid I wouldn’t ever come out. My senior year of high school I got very depressed and ended up in the hospital for a small length of time. I hated it there. Everyone kept looking at me funny, asking me what I was thinking, and kept drawing blood for tests. I had to talk with a counselor who was awfully nosy and I had cameras following me every where I went. My parents and my sisters were great. I had support but I didn’t think I needed it. At the same time I remember the pain that went much further than the pit of my stomach and nothing could take it away.

 

Looking back I wish I would have known to reach out for God. Even if I didn’t know what to say to Him I wish I had known how powerful His presence was in my life, even then. I wish I would have known what a comfort His Words are. I wish I would have known that it okay that I had made mistakes and that I wasn’t perfect because He would make me whole. I just wish I would have known Him.

 

I don’t know what you are going through today and I can’t say that I would know exactly how to help you if you came to me. I do know that while you are with me I could pray with you or for you. I could hold your hand and try to bring out a smile. I do know, though, that God is walking right there beside you even if you can’t feel Him. I do know that if you don’t know what to say the Holy Spirit will say it for you. And I don’t know if you will find your answers but I do know that you are loved fiercely and what you do not know today you will know with your first breath in Heaven where you will be with Comforter for the rest of time.

 

“Can anything separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, ‘For your sakes we are killed everyday; we are being slaughtered like sheep’)  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” (Romans 8: 35-37)

Making it Work

“Praise the Lord! Let all that I am praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord as long as I live. I will sing praises to my God with my dying breath.” (Psalm 146: 1-2)

 

My little sister has a boyfriend. This is the first boyfriend of hers that I have ever met. I am extremely happy for her. Watching a fresh relationship bloom and grow has been really neat. Because of their different work schedules they have to really be purposeful about making time for each other and forgiving when “dates” don’t always work out. However, they keep on going and they make it work. It reminds me of the hours that Gregory and I used to stay on the phone at night and how we wouldn’t let a second pass if it meant we could be together.

 

Looking in at this blossoming relationship also reminds me of my early days as a Christian. I couldn’t get enough of God.  I attacked my Bible and simply fed myself on His Word. I made drastic changes to myself and nothing was more important than God. Of course, as most early Christians do, I am sure that I pushed my relationship with Jesus too hard on others. And I overwhelmed myself by signing up for anything that came across needing help in the church. I was obsessed. Years later I am still obsessed but in a much more healthy way.

 

I am, everyday, thirsty for God’s Word so I make it a point to read my Bible most mornings. I never want to be comfortable in my faith so I am constantly listening to Bible study and sermon podcasts…trying to see and discern what God is telling me through His Word. I just want to grow as close to God as I possibly can. I still serve but I have learned to listen and go where God wants me. Similar to my relationship with my husband, I still work very hard on my faith walk; just the dynamic has changed a bit. In fact, every relationship we chose to be a part of takes work. If you feel your love affair with Jesus has stalled you need to ask yourself what you need to do to jump start it again. All you may simply need to do is sit down and catch up with Him.

 

Making your relationship with Jesus work isn’t any different that any other relationship you have. You need to be purposeful, spend time together, talk, listen, and love.

 

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

And the waves rolled in…

“I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help.” (Psalm 77: 1-3)

 Have you ever gotten to play in the ocean? The power of the waves can be absolutely incredible; something to fear and enjoy, be cautious and appreciate. The last time I was in the ocean with my parents I remember having quite the episode with a wave.

 As you walk into the ocean and the water gets deeper you can feel the undertow and strength of the water as it washes over your legs back and forth. If you go out deep enough, but not too deep, you can wave dive. What you do is wait for the right time, as the water starts to pull away from you, and then right before the wave comes you slide under the water (like sliding into a base in baseball) and let the wave flow over you. This can be a lot of fun. At Sandy’s beach, or Waimea….I can’t remember, the waves were coming in strong and my cousin and I were having a blast wave diving, only we had gone out too far.  Once you go out so far eventually you can come to a spot where the water gets shallow again, near where the wave breaks. So, my cousin and I are going in for another amazing wave dive but we weren’t in deep enough water anymore and we begun to get tossed by a wave, she was heading away from the beach and I was heading toward it.

 Have you ever been tossed by a wave? It’s quite the experience. I can’t really think of any other time when you feel so confused, helpless, and hopeless. You want to move but you can’t. You want to hit the surface but you really aren’t sure which way is up. And you are tossing and spinning, not knowing when you will catch your next breath. Luckily my dad was with us. I guess he checked to make sure someone could see me heading to the shore and that freed him up to go and save my cousin from getting too far out. My trip in was rough as my mother yanked me up by the hair and I had just enough time to catch a breath before I got pounded by another wave. The next thing I remember is laying on my belly on the beach, not able to move, while my aunt sat laughing at us and calling us whales.

 God does things a lot like my dad did for us that day. God will send someone to help us when it’s possible and other times you will know that God was the one who personally pulled you to safety. God will use any and every means to reach you whether you are tumbling in the ocean or enjoying the sunshine on the beach. Our God is beautiful and He is with us always, even if we don’t want Him there. God is always listening and always looking out for you. We need to have confidence that we are not in this world alone ever and that each breath you take God is with you and is walking right there beside you.

 “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. (Ephesians 1-6)

He is in there

“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!” (Psalm 42:11)

 Have you ever been going about life and everything seems to be moving smoothly and then it all seems to blow up in your face. The explosion can take many forms: illness, financial woes, family drama, death, or job loss….just to name a few. Sometimes the explosion is actually joyful experiences that overwhelms you so much that you become trapped by anxiety. This past week has been kind of hard. An “explosion” rocked the foundation of my family a little bit. I was angry, hurt, worried, and saddened all at the same time but leave it to me to look for the light in the darkness!

 Growing up with only sisters, pretty close in age, was filled with drama. I would love to assume that there wasn’t a trio more hard-headed, high-strung, and emotional than us three at times but I also I hope that we aren’t the worst that is out there. The last few days we have talked to each other more than we have in a long time and we have been able to lean on each other and it has been nice. On a drive Saturday I kept asking God what He was going to do with this situation and I asked Him what He needed me to do so that I can be there for my sisters to meet their needs. Being the oldest I kind of want to jump in, take over, and fix everything and I know that that was not the way to go about this.

 Well, I believe I am truly seeing how God is going to start using or situation to bring my sisters and I closer together. We have been able to talk and I have tried to keep my mouth shut and limited giving too much of my opinion. We have different emotional roller coasters we are on right now but I have made sure to convey that I understand and sympathize with them, even if we are feeling different things. I know these little things may seem small but the way my sisters are responding to the words God gives me has touched me deeply. I asked God what I needed to do to change and He is helping me do that. God is right here with us in all this mess. I wouldn’t have asked for this mess for anything but I feel blessed to be able to see my Savior in the midst of it.

 “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)