A Tough Bridge to Cross

“For troubles surround me—too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage.”

 

I feel selfish when I am trying to reflect inward and get to the bottom of me. Maybe selfish isn’t the right word. Maybe it’s self-centered, which would make sense. I had spent so much time only worried about what I wanted, what felt right and good to me, and what made me happy that whenever I put the focus on me and my heart it feels wrong. But, here I stand before you and I am questioning who I am. Of course, I wonder if I am not questioning who I am as much as trying to figure out where I went because there are moments when I don’t like the thoughts that course through my mind and the feelings that flow through my heart and I think, “this isn’t me” and if it isn’t me where did I go?

 

I lost my focus. I let my pride grow and the backfire is that I have grown resentful and angry.  I feel out of grace and out of patience. God calls us to love and not be angry but I always seem to find a way to grumble and complain. Paul says, in Philippians 2:4, “do all things without complaining and arguing”, yet, as much as I pray and ask God to help me do that, I find myself grumbling and complaining once more.

 

Do you know how hard it is to truly look inward and see who you are? It’s tough and, unfortunately, I am letting this struggle I am going through overshadow all the good blessings in my life. I need to work though this season in my life and not give up. Actually, that is wrong. I need to let God work through me. I think I may have snagged the reigns of my life out of His hands and tried to take over again. Obviously, I am not doing a very good job. I need to embrace the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) once again. But He knows. There is nothing I can go to God with that He doesn’t know and didn’t sacrifice for. Isn’t that what Easter is all about?

 

“For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edge sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between join and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one whom we are accountable.

 

“So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testing we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious god. There will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:12-16)

Psalm 51

Sometimes the strangest things or methods can work something in my heart. Today, I wasn’t sure what to read so I read Psalm 51. I knew what it was going to say before I read it. I am still struggling and the more I struggle the more I realize the walls in my life I need to tear down, so I guess it’s a good thing even if it is not very much fun. So, today I will share Pslam 51. If you know that you have already read it and think you could stop your devotion right here….you probably need it more than someone else. Just a thought. I could be wrong. However, I read it twice this morning, stopping at certain points longer than others, and then typing it made me want the author’s words to be mine….so there is something therapeutic about the whole thing. I pray, that if you need them, that God uses His word in this particular Psalm to work a wonder in you today.

Psalm 51

Have mercy on me, O God,

                because of your unfailing love.

Because of your great compassion,

                Blot out the stain of my sins.

Wash me clean from my guilt

                Purify me from my sin.

For I recognize my rebellion;

                It haunts me day and night.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;

                I have done what is evil in your sight.

You will proved right in what you say,

                And your judgment  against me is just.

For I was born a sinner—

                Yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

But you desire honesty from the womb,

                teaching me wisdom even there.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;

                Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again;

                you have broken me—

                now let me rejoice.

Don’t keep looking at my sins.

                Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.

                Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Do not banish me from your presence,

                and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore me to the joy of your salvation,

                and make me willing to obey you.

Then I will teach your ways to the rebels,

                and they will return to you.

Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;

                Then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.

Unseal my lips, O Lord,

                that my mouth may praise you.

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.

                You do not want a burnt offering.

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.

                You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O god.

Look with favor in Zion and help her;

                Rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.

Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—

                with burn offerings and whole burnt offerings.

                Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

So Frustrated

“I lift you high in praise, my God, O my King! And I will bless your name into eternity.” (Psalm 145:1 Message)

 

This was not the way I wanted to start my morning. We have been scolding our oldest son. It’s hard for me because I feel sorry for his self-inflicted problem he is in but it is so hard to go over the same things over and over again and feel like his anger is preventing him from really hearing anything we have to say.

 

I wonder how often God feels that way. Many of our life circumstances, good or bad, are a result of our own choices. He tells us, He shows us, He gives us grace over and over and over again and here we are…still in the same rut. Even the things I know I need to change about me and my lifestyles are so extremely hard to change but I know everything I need to know and I make my mistakes anyway. Why is that?

 

We need to trust God enough to make the right decisions. We need to follow His ways. Have you ever noticed that we say God has a perfect plan but we don’t want to do it His way? And then, when you realize you were going the wrong direction and feel the peace of following that narrow path, you may steel veer off into a different direction because it looked pretty good? How can I raise a child when I am such a wreck some days? What has God given me that I am not using to push through these obstacles? All the answers are right there.

 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message)*

*thanks Suzanne!

Doing Everything Wrong

“He seized the dragon—that old serpent, who is the devil, Satan—and abound him in chains for a thousand years. The angel threw him into the bottomless pit, which he then shut and locked so Satan could not deceive the nations anymore until the thousand years were finished.” (Revelations 20:2-3a)

 

I spent most of yesterday afternoon at the hospital with my sisters. The middle of the three of us had to be admitted. She had some bleeding on her brain that has stopped. However, it has caused her to struggle with her speech and some of her motor skills on her right side. They will be running more tests on her this morning to determine what happened and how to fix it. I was, of course, panicked when I got the phone call but a very good friend talked me through it. Then on the way home I was sad to leave her. Finally, as I am sure my body was completely drained of energy from the day, I realized how lucky we were that she was still alive and I spent the rest of the evening near, or at, tears. I went to bed, and then woke up, very thankful that I get to call her and visit her today….again, on the brink of tears.

 

I feel like I am doing everything wrong lately. I spend lots of my time eating too much, not sleeping enough, being stressed, worrying too much, and being angry too much. It sounds weird just typing that out because, on the other hand, I have been trying to focus on God, filled with adoration for Him, and loving seeing Jesus in so much of my everyday. There are obviously two sides of me at conflict right now and when I realize this I get even angrier because I know how it all ends. Jesus wins. We win. The devil, and all the fallen things of this world, will lose! We know the end of the story. Satan knows the end of the story. So, why then, do have moments when we struggle with direction, with life, and with our emotions and choices. God has simplified everything so well but I continue to make it so hard.

 

I was reminded yesterday of what a sweet gift God has given us with our loved ones and I don’t want to waste any of the time I have with the people in my life or the job that God has given me. It’s hard to walk in the Light when you carry too much on your back, and I have been carrying too much on my back. My prayer today is that I will start handing over my worries, my eating, my sleeping, and my stress to God and let Him carry them. He is much better at carrying that kind of stuff than me anyway. And we need to remember that we can chose to live in the struggles of this world or we can choose to live in the victory that we know is Christ Jesus. I want to choose victory!

 

“I saw no temple in the city, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of the day because there is no night there. And all the nations will bring their glory and honor into the city. Nothing evil will be allowed to enter, nor anyone who practices shameful idolatry and dishonesty—-but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.” (Revelations 21:22-27)

 

High School

“I see very clearly that God shows no favoritism. In every nation he [God] accepts those who fear him and do what is right. This is the message of the Good News for the people of Israel—that there is peace with God through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all.” (Acts 10:34a-36)

 

 Toward the end of the election I started getting stuck on talk radio and it’s still on my dial. After the fourth teen suicide at a local school an afternoon program spent days talking with school officials, the superintendent, parents, and students about what is going on in that school. The DJ and others really brought me back to high school in my mind. I think any adult who wants to go back and relive high school is crazy. Even for the most successful student it could have been very rough. The peer pressure, the drama, the clicks, the expectations and the rejection of those crazy teenage years is not something I would want to revisit any time soon or at all.

 

As adults we need to remember how hard we worked in school. Not only did we go to school for eight hours but we brought home homework and by the crazy teen years we were either working or spending hours after school working out for sports (which, of course, was before or after a couples hours worth of homework). Gosh! Can you imagine that now?!? And to top that off teenagers are full of hormones, think they know everything, and every emotion and situation is intensified 100 times over again from what it really may be. We keep telling our children to just wait until they are adults and life gets really tough. I don’t know. Maybe adulthood is a reprieve from those teenage years.

 

What can we do? We can listen. We can offer an ear or a shoulder for the youth in our lives. We can live by example and be the mentors they need. We can be leaders in youth programs and we can pray. We can live our faith with our children and we can discipline them to teach them accountability and consequences. We can stay involved in our community and church so that are children are constantly surrounded by good example. We can ask our kids about their day, who they are hanging out with, and if they need any help. There is so much we can do but the one thing we can’t do is turn a blind eye. We cannot just assume our children are making the right choices. We have to stay involved. We have to stay connected. Our kids don’t need us any less just because they are older and independent. In some cases they may need us more. I need God in my life everyday and I need Him to walk with me, talk with me, correct me, comfort me, and lead me. If we are supposed to be like God should we do any less than He does for us?

 

“And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including new bodies he has promised us.” (Romans 8:23)

It’s So Sad

“You must not murder” (Exodus 20:13)

 

There is a school in our community that is hurting. There seems to be a rush of suicides among teenagers this past year. The families, students, teachers, and everyone else are left behind from the events not knowing truly why and hurting from the pain. I remember being a teenager and how very difficult life was sometimes but, more important, how “big” everything was. A break-up wasn’t just a break-up, it was the end of the world. Someone who was bullying you wasn’t just a jerk, he or she was ruining your life and you believed what they were saying. And grades weren’t just grades, they were your keys to going to the game Friday night or to your best friend’s party. Everything seems to be exploded in high school but I truly wish there would have been a way to reach out to the kids to let them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do but to keep on going.

 

I wasn’t listening to radio program yesterday and a guy was on there talking about how our government should be governed by the Bible. There are so many problems with that statement that I won’t address but there is something to remember: in the Old Testament we stoned sinners of adultery, thievery, sexual immorality, etc. In the New Testament Jesus reminded us of how much God detests sins but loves His people. God hates sin so much that He turned away from Jesus as He hung on the cross, yet He loved of enough to sacrifice His only Son so He could spend an eternity with His children! There is nothing that you have done, nothing that these high school kids who have killed themselves could have done, that would have made God not love you or them. God loves the sinner, hates the sin.

 

It’s a good lesson to remember as we see the people in our life fail or succeed. It’s a good lesson to remember as the ones we love make terrible choice. It’s a good lesson when we see the youth acting like idiots, the same way we did, and as we try to reach across that age barrier to guide them and protect them. I cannot say it enough: God hates the sin, loves the sinner. He even loves Lucifer. What could you, or anyone do, that could possibly top that? God hates the sin, loves the sinner and remember this community in your prayers and thoughts….they need it.

 

“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, ‘I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”” (John 8:12)

Safe Haven

“Jesus replied, ‘Friend, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?’ Then he said, ‘Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.’” (Luke 12:14-15)

 

I spent much of last night tossing and turning. I was having a hard time sleeping and so I had a lot of time on my hands to think of the news, economy, up-coming elections, and anything else that came across my brain. However, the big thing on my mind has been the Nebraska Safe Haven Law. The law went into affect in July of this year (2008) and already 23 kids have been abandoned. Of these 23, at least four were teenagers…almost adults.

 

I actually can appreciate a law that protects children so well. I find it equally sad that such a law is needed but if it ends babies being found in trash cans or behind broken down buildings I think we are making progress. It’s the older ‘child’ that I am most sad for today. How does it feel to be 17 and dropped off and abandoned? Weren’t there any other options? Weren’t there family or friends that could have helped? What was the situation at home that his or her parents was protection them from?  Was it financial? Was it homelessness? Did it have anything to do with drugs or abuse? And, then, what happens to this teenager? What is the future like? Is it brighter? Is it safer? My heart pounds as I try to wrap this around my brain.

 

Then, as I have done so often lately, I am able to put my own life in perspective. We may not have a lot “extra” assets lying around but our bills are getting paid and we have food on the table, which is enough for me to feel as I am doing everything I need to do for my children and more. There may be things I want to do or I want the kids to do but it may not be in the cards today. However, our family is healthy, we laugh together, we fight together, we say our prayers together, we are part of a beautiful family of faith, and we are full of hope.  What kind of hope did these parents have that they gave up their kids? What kind of future is in store for someone who knows they were abandoned? What aren’t we doing, and what can we do, to reach out the community and help those who need it so that they don’t have to give up their kids?  

 

We are so blessed beyond measure, now is the time, and economic outlook, for us to reach way down within ourselves and see if we are giving, serving, and loving as much as we can to make this world a better place and to build up the Kingdom for Jesus.

 

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his might power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20)

It’s Breaking

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hunger, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?….No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” (Romans 8:35, 37)

 

Have I mentioned I love the weather we have had lately? It’s been cool and kind of rainy and for some reason I have been basking in it. I am not usually this excited about the cold coming in but it just seems like such a nice relief. However, with the cold hitting my skin I have noticed that stress and worry have been hitting my heart and maybe even my soul. Is it just me or does there seem to be more stress, breaking relationships, grief, and pain right now? Has the gray sky of the season blocked out our ability to see all the blessings in our lives?

 

Lord, I really don’t know what is going on but I know that so many people need so much healing. We need healing in our homes, in our relationships, in our bodies, and in our hearts. O God, please remind us that You are always near and always walking with us. Dear Jesus, help me, and everyone, peel away the layers that keep us from experiencing Your peace and comfort and the layers that keep us from the people I love or need to love. Lord, guide our hands, feet, and hearts towards Your will and Your perfect plan. May we chose to walk with You Lord and may You please give us the strength to do just that….even when it seems so much easier to walk away. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b)

What Do We Know?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understaning.” (Proverbs 3:5)

 

There are going to be times in our lives when we feel anger. There are going to be times in our lives when we even feel that the anger we are feeling is righteous anger. There are going to be times in our lives when we feel so adamantly about something and, at the same time, we struggle because it will not go that way. Shut your mouth, open your heart, and then maybe God will move. Otherwise we may just need to practice that patience the Bible keeps telling us we have and wait for God’s wisdom to shine through.

 

There are going to be times in our lives when we don’t know which way is up and which way is down. We will experience such great pain that it is unimaginable. We will have to walk through obstacles that seem impossible. We are going to have faith that God is in control when we head out blinded by our grief. Our faith in God—our trust—is what we are going to need to see God’s plan in our lives.

 

There are going to be times when we experience such joy and love that we think we are going to explode. The blessings of those moments can seem incomprehendable to us. How can anyone feel that much love? How can so much joy be in one moment or within one experience? At these times we have to look up to Heaven and thank God for creating and sharing these incredible things with His children.

 

Do you see it? Do you understand? God is there through it all and there are going to be so many things that we do no understand, good and bad. Our goal should be that through it all we understand that there will be times we just don’t understand. We have to trust that God knows what He is doing and that, through His willing children, those plans will come to pass. We will raise up onto mountain tops and we will have to sludge through the valleys, but He is right there with us. When Jesus died on the cross He died for every sin, every hardship, every experience, and every day of the lives of His people….past, present, and future. He understands everything, which is why it is okay if we don’t.

 

“Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

 

 

A Time for Everything

“History merely repeats itself.  It has all been done before.  Nothing under the sun is truly new.  Sometimes people say, ‘Here is something new!’ But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new.  We don’t remember what happened in the past, and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9-11)

 

One thing I love about the Bible is that I can read the same versus over and over again and still be struck by the beauty of God’s Word. I am sure I have read Ecclesiastes before but this morning everything struck me very hard. The first three chapters, at least, are dedicated the futility of living a life for ourselves…although Solomon doesn’t come right out and say it. If you read this section you find that Solomon has tried to live for pleasure, wisdom, and work and all of them are like chasing the wind. Life repeats itself over and over again. Do you feel alone in what you have done in your life, or what direction our country is going in, read Ecclesiastes and find that this has all happened before and it may happen again.

 

Solomon said he tried to find satisfaction in everything: money, sex, drinking, knowledge, and possessions and came up with everything being futile and meaningless. If Solomon, in all his God given wisdom, found that life is empty when you live for these things 3,000 years ago what do you think has changed in God’s plan for our lives that we will find any lasting pleasure or satisfaction from them now? If Solomon is right, and everything simply repeats itself, than nothing has changed and that is why we are left searching and seeking when we are turning to worldly things to find our fill.

 

However, when we turn to God and His promises we can never run empty. If we go to God He will constantly fill us with however much we need. Our relationship with God is not a cycle to do over and over again throughout time. Our relationship with God is solid and eternal. As money, knowledge, carnal pleasures, and possessions come and go God is right there the same yesterday as today and the same today as tomorrow. Where are you finding your pleasure? Where are you finding your purpose? Look to your Lord and feel satisfied; open your heart to Him and feel the blessings flow and the joy fill you better than any thing this world could ever offer.

 

“Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us.  And the Scriptures gives hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.” (Romans 15:4)