Off Schedule

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

 

I believe my need for schedules really became apparent during the five-plus years I did daycare.  I averaged 4-5 children at a time all under the age of 4 and then some before and after-school kids as well.  About half-way into this new vocation I started taking classes online, working toward the accounting dream I never wanted to admit I had.  Schedules are huge in my life, which means I have excellent time management skills (toot-toot).  However, there is a definite limit to my superhero abilities. I can’t have too much on my plate, even though I try, and if anything throws me off of schedule I am worthless and cannot function to full capacity.

 

This leads to my recent silence.  The classes I am taking right now are overwhelming hard and extremely time consuming.  Last week I had two big tests to take and simply thinking about how hard the tests were going to be stressed me.  On top of that our daughter got a part in the next children’s musical and the parent’s meeting and rehearsals started last week.  And, to make my life ever-more so complicated I discovered that in a fight between a partially opened can and my hand I will always loose, so my right hand was slightly out of commission as well.  I balance my life precariously on a very fined tuned schedule and last week I was off of schedule and, as previously noted, when that happens I tend to not be able to do anything. I got the basics down: kids fed and dressed and I went to work everyday if anything got done above that it was an act of God and I was very thankful to have Him in my life.

 

I know God has a schedule.  I don’t understand it and I don’t think I have followed it very well in the past.  Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has good plans for our future.  I wonder, if when we take our destiny into our own hands, if we throw that schedule off.   I have been thinking that maybe God has point A and point B picked out, knowing we’ll get to point B eventually, but how we get there is up to us?  I know with every bone in my body that God made me an accountant and I love it.  I didn’t get to college right after high school.  In fact, I just kept making babies!  But even though I may have thrown my schedule off I am still arriving at point B.  Even though last week was a sticky walk in the mud for me I still made it through and everyone around me survived as well.  So, when you feel like you have continually messed up the big picture remember God will always show you a way to point B.  We just need to put things in perspective, which means putting our trust in God, and holding onto the hope and promise that God knows what He is doing even when we don’t.

 

“So be careful how you live.  Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (Ephesians 5:15-17)

Smarts

“Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?” (1 Kings 3:9)

 

Disciplining your children is so hard.   Actually, being a parent is tough in a lot of ways. You want your kids to be happy and enjoy being a kid but then you have to balance that out with making sure you give them structure and correction at the same time.  When I woke up this morning the first thought in my head was asking God to help show me the way.  My prayers were swimming in questions of guidance and understanding as a parent. Coincidentally, I also read 1 Kings 3: 1-15. I love it when God lets me know He is there and He is listening.

 

Parenting is interesting. We have done things right and we have done things wrong and as we enter into the their teen years it’s not so much about how much we work to make our kids great, it’s about how hard they work to help make their own lives better.  I feel like we are in gridlock some days.  We are constantly, not in a pushy way, giving our children the tools they need to be independent, responsible, and community oriented adults.  We try really hard to live by example.  They may be successful, they may rebel, or they’ll probably do a really kid mix of the two. That’s just our three children. Imagine being the Parent of all of creation!

 

I woke up this morning begging God for guidance.  He gave it to me.  God knows better than anyone how frustrating it is to raise up children who, at times, make bad decisions and don’t get it no matter how many times it is explained.  I was one of those kids!  And I don’t know what path is laid out before my children but I do pray about it everyday.  Most of what I do is to help the kids and to encourage and build them up.  I love being a mom and I have absolutely amazing children.  The smarts I want my children to embrace in life (hopefully sooner than later) come from the ultimate wisdom of God.  Even as old and used up as you may think the Bible is, everything is found right there:  love and live; get rich quick doesn’t work (Proverbs 22:8), laziness doesn’t pay out well either (Romans 12:11), be smart with your finances (Proverbs 21:20), forgive often (Matthew 6: 14-15), and much MUCH more: respect your parents, parents love your children, husbands and wives love each other and adore each other, give give give!!! It’s all right there.  I just hope I am listening as God helps me help them.

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

Hiding

“Well then, you might say, ‘Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven’t they simply done what he makes them do?’” (Romans 9:19)

 

I love writing. My passion may have been hard to see lately, since my schedule has begun to overwhelm me again, but I do love writing. And I am not sure if it is the writing so much as that I feel obligated to do it. Because of this obligation I feel God is sometimes holding a magnifying glass to my life, somewhat like what salaried church staff may experience without my name being in the bulletin (oh yeah, and without the salary). I appreciate this magnifying glass immensely because not only is God using the jumbled up morning ramblings of a random woman to reach out to people but He has chipped away at the fortress I built around myself and there is very rarely anything in my life that everyone cannot see. You all walk this path with me and I may hesitate but I always end up sharing my struggles and my triumphs, regardless if you want to hear it or not. God is who I am accountable for in all things. Because I am in Him there is no hiding.

 

Sometimes I wish I had God’s knack for knowing everything that goes on in the heart of His children. Although, I will admit that the idea scares me. I believe God knows every miscellaneous thought that has crossed my brain and/or heart, which makes me want to hurl. There are days when I wish I could be with my kids throughout every moment like God is with me. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so scared of what they may encounter. There are other days when I am thankful for their trials because they will hopefully learn and grow from them as I have from mine. Whereas I cannot hide from God, my children (and anyone else for that matter) can hide from me. I pray for the day when my children love God the way that I do and know that there is no reality in hiding from the Creator of the universe.

 

I am thankful that our God is not holding strings and dictating our every move because then I don’t think life would be worth living. I am equally thankful that I feel extremely accountable to God and that He has placed people in my life to pick me up when I fall. Two days ago, if you were to ask me what my biggest fear would be I would have told you that I didn’t have one. Now, I realize that my biggest fear is what my children may choose to hide from me as they grow. I can tell you, I think with all honesty, that I, unlike God, do NOT want to know everything. I will be frank and say that there are somethings I would rather just pretend won’t happen. But I don’t want to be the parent with rose colored glasses who misses everything. I simply pray that as my children live their lives that they look to God, and the people He has placed in their lives, to help pick them up when they fall. I pray they realize there really is no hiding, no matter how well they guard themselves.

 

if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

 

Dedication

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” (Mark 12:20)

 

My oldest son has decided to go out for track. This will be his first official school sport. Oh, he has been playing sports for seven years but those were with leagues in the city. The expectations are much higher with the school. He is now a representative of his school and his coaches have very high expectations of him and his fellow teammates. I can hope he realizes and embraces this choice he has made. I also hope this helps him focus, although I am not holding my breath. He is, after all, starting to knock on that door of being a teenager.

 

I think of how many times I have tried something new. Sometimes I know what is expected of me up front like teaching on Wednesday nights. There are other times when I have no clue what I have gotten myself into like the mission project I am working on right now (it’s coming along slowly).  Each time I have put myself out there God has molded me. Sometimes He lets me know that what I just tried need not be tried again. Other times he nudges me to dig deeper because I have hit the sweet spot. Either way, God is right there as I try to be purposeful about searching and seeking out the plans God has for me. Anyone who says living for God, and His will, is easy simply doesn’t know. Living for God takes dedication.

 

It’s this dedication that I pray my son gets a good taste of. I pray that the hard work he is going to put forth over the next six weeks will demonstrate how hard work pays off and how rewarding it is to be part of a team, achieve goals, and honorably represent something bigger than himself. I actually pray this for all my children. As we live in such a self centered culture I really hope my children think outside of themselves and grow serving hearts. I want them to be dedicated to God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength. Let’s see if we can’t all be more dedicated to God and the higher calling He has on our lives. Let us all get into this race, hit the track hard, and run to win.

 

“And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” (Hebrews 12: 1a-2a)

The Cell Phone Devotion

“After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the might things he had done for Israel.” (Judges 2:10)

 

Have we forgotten that we are parents? Has there been some event that happened, which I missed, where children had the right or privilege to do what they want when they want to do it?  I am just curious because on the radio yesterday the DJ was talking with a mother who was so grateful that the cell phone could block times in the day when her daughter could not text because the daughter was texting at dinner and this would stop that. Of those of you who know me personally, you know exactly what I thought of that. Maybe it’s because I don’t like cell phones. Maybe it’s because I think it is ridiculous how many children have cell phones with no appreciation for the cost or the reason to have them and if I offend you, I am sorry. If it makes you feel any better I don’t like my cell phone either and use it as little as possible.   

 

It’s not only cell phones though! It’s clothes, nails, prom dresses, 16-year old temper tantrums (I did do that), and a complete lack of respect. As parents we have all this pressure to live up to society’s standards of what our children “need” and if we let them our kids will play us on that.  I will be the first to admit that I was a spoiled brat but I paid for my own gas and if I wanted my nails done and I paid for it because I wouldn’t have asked my parents for that money because I was forced to work. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I suddenly decided not to work. I paid for my prom dresses and my own car insurance. I didn’t balance my books well but I balanced them. I have seen so many teens steamroll their parents and I sit back speechless.

 

In a time when parents want to blame the culture and society for the angst happening amongst our young it’s time to remember that the schools, radio stations, televisions, and even the churches are not who need to be raising our children. It is us. We can use many avenues to train up our children to the responsible adults we want them to be but they have to be tools and not babysitters. And, I am not denying that we can do all the right things for our kids and they may still make bad choices but don’t let the world convince you that you might as well give up! Let us not lead a generation to fall away if we are not around but a generation who wants to snag God’s torch from our hands because they are simply that strong in Jesus, in faith, in responsibility, and in leading. We are the parents, we are the leaders, and God has given us a job let’s make sure we do it right because we won’t get a second chance.

 

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

I want to Live a Verb

“I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.” (Psalm 18:1-2a)

 

I am a nerd. Actually, I am the nerd of my entire family. Being a nerd I like schedules, budgets, numbers, and routines. However, I don’t do so well with commands and rules because I am also defiant and a little mischievous (go figure). For example: I like to wake up in the morning to pray and read my Bible. I don’t read my Bible and pray because God commands it though. I do those things because I love the Lord and I want to know Him better. I love going to service on Sundays. I don’t go because it’s the law but I go because it’s incredible to worship the God of the universe and be surrounded by so many people who are in love with Him as well. I enjoy teaching and serving on Wednesday nights but it’s not because Jesus requires acts of service. I go in to my classroom on Wednesdays because I want to encourage a great group of awesome kids to be excited and in love with Jesus.

 

I want to live the verb of being in love with Jesus. I want my faith to be moving and living. I never want to sit down for a second.

 

+        I want to reach out into the community

+        I want to love the people in my life unconditionally

+        I want to give and then give some more

+        I want to trust and know that I am free

+        I want to be a good wife, mother, daughter, and friend

+        I want to live running and basking and all these things with God in the center of me because I love my Lord….because I love Jesus.

 

I want to bring God with me everywhere I go. Sometimes I leave Him here in this seat after I get done with devotions and for that I feel terrible. He doesn’t want just my mornings. Our Lord wants our everything and I want to give it to Him. I have let go of me and let God in and some days that is hard.  Walk with me, please, as I endure this challenge not because of some rule or ritual but because of  love and devotion to our Father.

 

“Praise the Lord! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns. Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him.” (Revelations 19:6a-7a)

Circles

“This my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

 

The kids and I like that verse. We came across it one night during our dinner devotions. I feel like I have hit this wall in my faith that has been difficult to climb, but I am doing it. Each question I have, although unanswered, seems to be getting me higher up that wall. My mind this week has been focused on circles, or rather the relationship in circles. And I refuse to be discouraged because I know God is with me and I am actually working on that very thing: God is with me.

 

I have said it many times. I will promise you that I know it is true. I believe with everything that I have within me that Jesus is alive in me but do I really get it? Do I understand that although I am called to be a light nothing I do, no acts, makes me any higher or any lower that anyone else? Do I get it that God loves me for me, simply for who I am, and not for anything I say or do? Do I understand that everything God has done and everything that our Creator doesn’t do is out of love for us? Can I possibly wrap my human brain around the fact that the One who put the stars into place and knit this body wants me to love Him in return?

 

Faith has to be the easiest and hardest thing in the world. Faith, like love, is a choice. You either have faith or you don’t and you either choose to love someone or you walk away. But like love, faith sometimes feels like you are doing the opposite of what makes sense in a world we have successfully screwed up. I compare my faith and my love of our Abba to my love for the kids. There are days when the frustration wells up inside of me like a volcano and there are days when I fall in love with them all over again.

 

I don’t know how to explain the circles (because now I am just rambling) but as I think about our faith, God’s love for creation, and the struggle therein I am drawing circles in the air with my finger or I am going in circles in my mind. With lines there seems to a beginning and an end and that, right now, just doesn’t seem right.  With a circle God is always present because the Lord is not on the line in the past away from me and He is not way ahead of me in the future but when we are traveling in a circle together we are in the same place all the time. Either direction I look—up, down, left, right—I will find Him. So, I will not give up and will be courageous because I know my God is with me wherever I go even as I climb this wall of questions.

 

“But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves in God’s love.” (Jude 1-20-21)

Embarrassingly Naked

“I tried to relieve your fears: ‘Don’t be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; he’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries a child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God—‘” (Deuteronomy 1:29-31 The Message)

 

I am overwhelmed with family. I am overwhelmed with school. I am overwhelmed with a special needs child. I am overwhelmed trying to be the wife and mother I am called to be. I am overwhelmed with busyness but then overwhelmed when I can’t think of what to do. I am overwhelmed trying to be healthy and lose weight. I am overwhelmed with our finances. I am overwhelmed trying to keep a house and I am overwhelmed trying to keep my faith in line when there are days when it feels like the balls I so precariously juggle are bouncing down the road and I am overwhelmed keeping chasing them down. And what is it again that I try to teach over and over again? I shout out constantly that God is good, when we hand everything over to God we will find peace, and (my favorite) God has a beautiful and perfect plan. Once again it is easier said than done.

 

With all that you may find it incredible that I have peace and reassurance in my faith. In spite of being terribly overwhelmed, some days anyway, I can usually go with the flow fairly well. God has found ways to remind me that I am where I am and, honestly, I couldn’t and wouldn’t change a thing. I love my husband and so I love being his wife. I adore my children and so even the hard days are a joy. I love accounting so work is a reward. I believe I am a student by nature and so school is something I look forward to. And, as far as the juggling….I have never been very good at balance so it’s no wonder that I drop the ball quite often.

 

My point is that everything is about perspective. Yes, I will be the first to admit that there is a lot going on but we have a home, we have food, we have power, we have jobs, we are healthy, and we have an amazing family and circle of friends. God is good. In the chaos of it all I take a big deep breath in and I breath out and I put one foot in front of the other and I smile because, even on the cloudiest day, I am still standing in the Sun.

 

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your hear to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:5-8)

Better than Me

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

 

Our oldest son has begun that stage in his life where it seems like his brain doesn’t function properly because, to us, he doesn’t always make sense. He can frustrate us to no end and we fear this will only grow since he is just now embarking on his teenage years. Thankfully, there are also times when we see the bright young man he is becoming shine through. He is giving, great with little kids, funny, and loving. He really is a great kid and I realized he is doing much better than I did at his age.

 

By the time I got through my seventh grade year I had already had my first cigarette and was hanging out with kids I knew where not going to take me down a right path. I was already kissing boys and I am pretty sure I had already experimented with drinking. I was not doing well and I think part of it was that I didn’t have what we have been able to give my son: a family of faith. I spent the first few hours of my 12^th year in a bar with my dad and his friends. I had always been around smoke, alcohol and drugs. I am seeing what a difference lifestyle can make on children.

 

I am not so stupid that I think that because we go to church that my children will not experiment and try this and that. However, I truly believe that the role models they have and the relationships that have built by growing up in the faith will have a tremendous impact on them and their choices in life. If my children head down the wrong road one day they will know that they are doing it with their eyes wide open. In the mean time I will pray for them, love them, and discipline them. I pray that God will guide their steps. I pray that God will place godly friends on their paths and I pray that they truly have a heart for God and a relationship with Jesus. I pray that God will help us be the parents we need to be and I thank God for all the people in our family of faith you are helping us raise our children.

 

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!”

 

It is cold!

“Our God approaches and he is not silent. Fire devours everything in his way, and a great storm rages around him.” (Psalm 50:3)

 

This winter is Iowa has been plagued with lots of snow, icy roads, and now freezing temps. I guess freezing temperatures would be simplifying what some people will experience as they head out to work today (schools are all closed). Right now it is about -20 degrees out. Skin will freeze in under 10 minutes and you really need to make sure your car will start and warm up before you leave for wherever you need to go. Iowa hasn’t faced these kinds of temperatures in almost 31 years. I did the math super fast when Channel 8 said so this morning because the date was significant. The last time it was this cold was on February 4, 1996. That is significant because it was my birthday, my senior year in high school, I had just found out I was pregnant (yeah, happy birthday), and I wasn’t in Iowa….or I was on my way out.

 

My dad and I drove to San Francisco and we did it in 26 hours. We only stopped to fill up and empty out. I got to see the Rocky Mountains for the first time (that I remember) and we got a great picture of Lake Tahoe. I remember that, in San Francisco, the grass was green in February. We visited my great-aunts and looked at some communities. My family was considering a move out there. Obviously we opted for below freezing temperatures and corn instead of fog and congestion. But it was a good trip and I enjoyed the time with my dad. The scariest part was telling my dad I was pregnant and, more than likely, that I was alone.

 

In a moment of true fear I experienced the love and grace that I thought never existed, although I am sure my parents offered up plenty of grace as I grew up. I didn’t get yelled at. I wasn’t called names. I wasn’t evicted. It was worse and better than all of that. I could see the disappointment and fear on my parents’ faces and then they simply shrugged their shoulders and said they would be there for me as I moved forward. I am sure that God doesn’t shrug but I know that He has more grace than anyone could imagine. In your moments of worst fear, in those extremely cold places of your life, God is waiting for you to bring Him into the folds of your problems so that He can help you get out and get you warm.  As you face your fears He is there to bring you through. And as we stumble, He is there to make us right again and carry us as we rebuild our strength.

 

“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13 Message)