Off Schedule

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

 

I believe my need for schedules really became apparent during the five-plus years I did daycare.  I averaged 4-5 children at a time all under the age of 4 and then some before and after-school kids as well.  About half-way into this new vocation I started taking classes online, working toward the accounting dream I never wanted to admit I had.  Schedules are huge in my life, which means I have excellent time management skills (toot-toot).  However, there is a definite limit to my superhero abilities. I can’t have too much on my plate, even though I try, and if anything throws me off of schedule I am worthless and cannot function to full capacity.

 

This leads to my recent silence.  The classes I am taking right now are overwhelming hard and extremely time consuming.  Last week I had two big tests to take and simply thinking about how hard the tests were going to be stressed me.  On top of that our daughter got a part in the next children’s musical and the parent’s meeting and rehearsals started last week.  And, to make my life ever-more so complicated I discovered that in a fight between a partially opened can and my hand I will always loose, so my right hand was slightly out of commission as well.  I balance my life precariously on a very fined tuned schedule and last week I was off of schedule and, as previously noted, when that happens I tend to not be able to do anything. I got the basics down: kids fed and dressed and I went to work everyday if anything got done above that it was an act of God and I was very thankful to have Him in my life.

 

I know God has a schedule.  I don’t understand it and I don’t think I have followed it very well in the past.  Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has good plans for our future.  I wonder, if when we take our destiny into our own hands, if we throw that schedule off.   I have been thinking that maybe God has point A and point B picked out, knowing we’ll get to point B eventually, but how we get there is up to us?  I know with every bone in my body that God made me an accountant and I love it.  I didn’t get to college right after high school.  In fact, I just kept making babies!  But even though I may have thrown my schedule off I am still arriving at point B.  Even though last week was a sticky walk in the mud for me I still made it through and everyone around me survived as well.  So, when you feel like you have continually messed up the big picture remember God will always show you a way to point B.  We just need to put things in perspective, which means putting our trust in God, and holding onto the hope and promise that God knows what He is doing even when we don’t.

 

“So be careful how you live.  Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (Ephesians 5:15-17)

Smarts

“Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?” (1 Kings 3:9)

 

Disciplining your children is so hard.   Actually, being a parent is tough in a lot of ways. You want your kids to be happy and enjoy being a kid but then you have to balance that out with making sure you give them structure and correction at the same time.  When I woke up this morning the first thought in my head was asking God to help show me the way.  My prayers were swimming in questions of guidance and understanding as a parent. Coincidentally, I also read 1 Kings 3: 1-15. I love it when God lets me know He is there and He is listening.

 

Parenting is interesting. We have done things right and we have done things wrong and as we enter into the their teen years it’s not so much about how much we work to make our kids great, it’s about how hard they work to help make their own lives better.  I feel like we are in gridlock some days.  We are constantly, not in a pushy way, giving our children the tools they need to be independent, responsible, and community oriented adults.  We try really hard to live by example.  They may be successful, they may rebel, or they’ll probably do a really kid mix of the two. That’s just our three children. Imagine being the Parent of all of creation!

 

I woke up this morning begging God for guidance.  He gave it to me.  God knows better than anyone how frustrating it is to raise up children who, at times, make bad decisions and don’t get it no matter how many times it is explained.  I was one of those kids!  And I don’t know what path is laid out before my children but I do pray about it everyday.  Most of what I do is to help the kids and to encourage and build them up.  I love being a mom and I have absolutely amazing children.  The smarts I want my children to embrace in life (hopefully sooner than later) come from the ultimate wisdom of God.  Even as old and used up as you may think the Bible is, everything is found right there:  love and live; get rich quick doesn’t work (Proverbs 22:8), laziness doesn’t pay out well either (Romans 12:11), be smart with your finances (Proverbs 21:20), forgive often (Matthew 6: 14-15), and much MUCH more: respect your parents, parents love your children, husbands and wives love each other and adore each other, give give give!!! It’s all right there.  I just hope I am listening as God helps me help them.

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

I want to Live a Verb

“I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.” (Psalm 18:1-2a)

 

I am a nerd. Actually, I am the nerd of my entire family. Being a nerd I like schedules, budgets, numbers, and routines. However, I don’t do so well with commands and rules because I am also defiant and a little mischievous (go figure). For example: I like to wake up in the morning to pray and read my Bible. I don’t read my Bible and pray because God commands it though. I do those things because I love the Lord and I want to know Him better. I love going to service on Sundays. I don’t go because it’s the law but I go because it’s incredible to worship the God of the universe and be surrounded by so many people who are in love with Him as well. I enjoy teaching and serving on Wednesday nights but it’s not because Jesus requires acts of service. I go in to my classroom on Wednesdays because I want to encourage a great group of awesome kids to be excited and in love with Jesus.

 

I want to live the verb of being in love with Jesus. I want my faith to be moving and living. I never want to sit down for a second.

 

+        I want to reach out into the community

+        I want to love the people in my life unconditionally

+        I want to give and then give some more

+        I want to trust and know that I am free

+        I want to be a good wife, mother, daughter, and friend

+        I want to live running and basking and all these things with God in the center of me because I love my Lord….because I love Jesus.

 

I want to bring God with me everywhere I go. Sometimes I leave Him here in this seat after I get done with devotions and for that I feel terrible. He doesn’t want just my mornings. Our Lord wants our everything and I want to give it to Him. I have let go of me and let God in and some days that is hard.  Walk with me, please, as I endure this challenge not because of some rule or ritual but because of  love and devotion to our Father.

 

“Praise the Lord! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns. Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him.” (Revelations 19:6a-7a)

Embarrassingly Naked

“I tried to relieve your fears: ‘Don’t be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; he’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries a child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God—‘” (Deuteronomy 1:29-31 The Message)

 

I am overwhelmed with family. I am overwhelmed with school. I am overwhelmed with a special needs child. I am overwhelmed trying to be the wife and mother I am called to be. I am overwhelmed with busyness but then overwhelmed when I can’t think of what to do. I am overwhelmed trying to be healthy and lose weight. I am overwhelmed with our finances. I am overwhelmed trying to keep a house and I am overwhelmed trying to keep my faith in line when there are days when it feels like the balls I so precariously juggle are bouncing down the road and I am overwhelmed keeping chasing them down. And what is it again that I try to teach over and over again? I shout out constantly that God is good, when we hand everything over to God we will find peace, and (my favorite) God has a beautiful and perfect plan. Once again it is easier said than done.

 

With all that you may find it incredible that I have peace and reassurance in my faith. In spite of being terribly overwhelmed, some days anyway, I can usually go with the flow fairly well. God has found ways to remind me that I am where I am and, honestly, I couldn’t and wouldn’t change a thing. I love my husband and so I love being his wife. I adore my children and so even the hard days are a joy. I love accounting so work is a reward. I believe I am a student by nature and so school is something I look forward to. And, as far as the juggling….I have never been very good at balance so it’s no wonder that I drop the ball quite often.

 

My point is that everything is about perspective. Yes, I will be the first to admit that there is a lot going on but we have a home, we have food, we have power, we have jobs, we are healthy, and we have an amazing family and circle of friends. God is good. In the chaos of it all I take a big deep breath in and I breath out and I put one foot in front of the other and I smile because, even on the cloudiest day, I am still standing in the Sun.

 

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your hear to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:5-8)

Better than Me

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

 

Our oldest son has begun that stage in his life where it seems like his brain doesn’t function properly because, to us, he doesn’t always make sense. He can frustrate us to no end and we fear this will only grow since he is just now embarking on his teenage years. Thankfully, there are also times when we see the bright young man he is becoming shine through. He is giving, great with little kids, funny, and loving. He really is a great kid and I realized he is doing much better than I did at his age.

 

By the time I got through my seventh grade year I had already had my first cigarette and was hanging out with kids I knew where not going to take me down a right path. I was already kissing boys and I am pretty sure I had already experimented with drinking. I was not doing well and I think part of it was that I didn’t have what we have been able to give my son: a family of faith. I spent the first few hours of my 12^th year in a bar with my dad and his friends. I had always been around smoke, alcohol and drugs. I am seeing what a difference lifestyle can make on children.

 

I am not so stupid that I think that because we go to church that my children will not experiment and try this and that. However, I truly believe that the role models they have and the relationships that have built by growing up in the faith will have a tremendous impact on them and their choices in life. If my children head down the wrong road one day they will know that they are doing it with their eyes wide open. In the mean time I will pray for them, love them, and discipline them. I pray that God will guide their steps. I pray that God will place godly friends on their paths and I pray that they truly have a heart for God and a relationship with Jesus. I pray that God will help us be the parents we need to be and I thank God for all the people in our family of faith you are helping us raise our children.

 

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!”

 

Safe Haven

“Jesus replied, ‘Friend, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?’ Then he said, ‘Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.’” (Luke 12:14-15)

 

I spent much of last night tossing and turning. I was having a hard time sleeping and so I had a lot of time on my hands to think of the news, economy, up-coming elections, and anything else that came across my brain. However, the big thing on my mind has been the Nebraska Safe Haven Law. The law went into affect in July of this year (2008) and already 23 kids have been abandoned. Of these 23, at least four were teenagers…almost adults.

 

I actually can appreciate a law that protects children so well. I find it equally sad that such a law is needed but if it ends babies being found in trash cans or behind broken down buildings I think we are making progress. It’s the older ‘child’ that I am most sad for today. How does it feel to be 17 and dropped off and abandoned? Weren’t there any other options? Weren’t there family or friends that could have helped? What was the situation at home that his or her parents was protection them from?  Was it financial? Was it homelessness? Did it have anything to do with drugs or abuse? And, then, what happens to this teenager? What is the future like? Is it brighter? Is it safer? My heart pounds as I try to wrap this around my brain.

 

Then, as I have done so often lately, I am able to put my own life in perspective. We may not have a lot “extra” assets lying around but our bills are getting paid and we have food on the table, which is enough for me to feel as I am doing everything I need to do for my children and more. There may be things I want to do or I want the kids to do but it may not be in the cards today. However, our family is healthy, we laugh together, we fight together, we say our prayers together, we are part of a beautiful family of faith, and we are full of hope.  What kind of hope did these parents have that they gave up their kids? What kind of future is in store for someone who knows they were abandoned? What aren’t we doing, and what can we do, to reach out the community and help those who need it so that they don’t have to give up their kids?  

 

We are so blessed beyond measure, now is the time, and economic outlook, for us to reach way down within ourselves and see if we are giving, serving, and loving as much as we can to make this world a better place and to build up the Kingdom for Jesus.

 

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his might power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20)

Short and Sweet

“The life of the godly is full of light and joy, but the light of the wicked will be snuffed out.” (Proverbs 13:9)

 

Right at this moment I am experiencing a rare event. I am writing and then going to get ready for work and all around me there is silence, except for a little bit of snoring. The kids do not have school today and so I can let them sleep in. Unfortunately, my quiet morning is plagued with a tired that runs deep from going to bed late, tossing in my sleep, waking up to a little girl with a headache, and then sleeping way past time to get up. However, all that doesn’t matter because I am basking in the silence and as I look out my east facing window I can see the glow of the sun start to creep up over the trees in the horizon. The trees across the street have lost most of their leaves and their old knarled branches stand out in the slowly lightening sky. It’s another morning, on another day, in another year that I can feel the beauty of the world God has made and thank Him for the grace that He has given me.

 

I needed a morning like this. We all experience our own kind of busyness and God gives us little moments like this for us to enjoy….we just have to slow down long enough to see them. How I love moments like this! Moments when it doesn’t feel like I am spinning in different directions or needing to be a superhero, nursemaid, bus driver, or janitor all at the same time. Moments when I know my time is limited but it’s not interrupted. Moments when I can sit in the quiet and the peace of reflect on how God’s love shines in my life. This morning I am able to breathe in and breathe out and smile as I head into my day.

 

“When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—the moon and the stars that you have set in place—what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?” (Psalm 8:3-4)

The Scariest Thing

“Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her.” (Proverbs 31:29)

 

It’s one of my most vivid and scariest memories. Our youngest was an escape artist. As soon has he could get out of a crib our relaxing evening nights were over. Not only that but he had figured out how to get out the front door. We lived on a busy street and on the crest of a hill, so we added an extra bolt to the top of the door so little man couldn’t get out. It was the most fun for him….not for us.

 

My husband and I got to go out one night with some friends. We were only gone for a couple hours and one of my best friends’ had volunteered to watch the kids. I remember it was a beautiful, warm, fall, Friday night…probably football season if I am remembering correctly. My friend had been doing some laundry at our house and when we came back she had a very strange look on her face. While my husband carried her things to the car she whispered to me, “I am so sorry….he got out”. I waived her off explaining that the little guy gets out on me all the time. Then she was said, “No, he got out, I didn’t know it and he made it to the street” (we had a longer driveway).  She went on to explain that she thought the kids were all in bed and so went downstairs to check on her laundry. When she sat down and looked out the window there were cops in our driveway so she went out. Apparently my little man had gotten out into the road (on this dark and beautiful Friday night) and someone happened to see him on the crest on a hill, stop, and call the cops.

 

I remember slowly walking to his room and laying down next to him. Then I curled myself around him so I could feel his heart beat and his breathing. That wasn’t enough. I picked him up and brought him out to the living room. I examined every inch of him and when I got to his feet I could feel the tears coming….they were black from the road. He had really been in the street, really been on the crest of a hill, and really been seen by angels who stopped to help him because, seriously, it was more likely for him to get hit by some truck going 35+ mph on that busy street than it was to see a small two year old boy. We got to the point where Gregory simply had to take the baby out of my arms or I was never going to move. We walked me to bed but how was I going to sleep with the violent nightmares plagued my dreams. I was scared to go to sleep so I laid there asking, no begging God, to take it away from me. My next memory was waking up the next morning.

 

As a mother, that was one of my scariest moments: nearly losing a child. However, I can think of something worst: what if I lost a friend or a loved one I didn’t know if they knew Jesus? When everything that I am believes that we can get to Heaven no other way….what do you do if someone you love doesn’t have that?  My son tells me we don’t have to miss someone if we are going to see them again, but what if seeing them again isn’t a certainty? We need to reach out and make those connections. Instead of simply giving the directions to the people in our lives we need to invite them to join us. We need to reach out and guide God’s children to Him so that we can spend eternity with the people in our lives and have confidence during those times of separation.

 

“Jesus told them, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

Because I Said So

“I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will reined them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name, and will answer them. I will say, ‘These are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’” (Zechariah 13:9)

 

Do you remember that? Do you remember being young and your parents, family members, or teachers would say, “because I said so” to defend his or her reasoning? I do but mostly because I do it to my own children. I have even gone as far as reminding them that I would never ask them to do anything that would cause any harm to them, that would not help make them stronger and better people, or that would not make their lives better. I have had to leave explanations that are ended with “it’s for the best” or “we had to make a choice and we made it”.  Over time we have learned what we can and cannot trust our kids to handle. But the point is, if we do keep information from the kids it’s not to be deceitful or misleading. If we keep information from the kids it’s because we know what is best for them.

 

However, this method does not translate well into the world. We are living in a world where we have to second guess everyone and anything people say. We have to learn to read between the lines and research our own answers. Our society thrives on murder mysteries and cop cases, sex and scandal. Is it any wonder we have trouble trusting anyone in authority to be telling the absolute truth? And, if they are not giving all the information why is that? Do I want to know? Is it going to change me? Is it better that I don’t know? Is the information that is given enough? But then we circle back to that whole trust thing. We were brought up not trust anyone so it’s no surprise how easily doubt and anger creep into our minds when we feel we are being misled or not given all the information. Finally, once trust is shaken can it be calmed once again?

 

It’s a tug-of-war isn’t it? We tell our kids one thing but we expect something different in return. But then we are adults and we should be able to handle a complete story, but do we handle it well? Just thinking about the chaos causes me to smile a little and think of a group of adults standing around a leader stomping their foot and asking, “WHY?” over and over again, although I understand that it is not funny. Actually this thought is something to pray about isn’t it? This morning I come to you with no answers but a glimpse into what has been going through my brain as I have been writing and for the last couple days. Things are so much better when there is a clear answer. The only thing that I am hearing clearly is God not giving me definite answers, which makes me want to stomp my foot and ask why!

 

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans: 15:13)

Be Courageous

“Be strong and courageous, for you are one who will lead these people to posses all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave to you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:6-9)

 

God is not going to waste words. God is not going to tell us something and it not mean something, let alone three times!

 

Be strong and courageous.

Be strong and courageous.

Be strong and courageous.

 

This first part of Joshua is beautiful because God is giving us that comfort that He knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11). He has given us the instruction that we need to live life fully–the BIBLE. And He promises that we will prosper and succeed in all that we do if we take the time to learn His Word and meditate on it.

 

Now, we have to be careful and not put our own definitions on what it means to prosper and what it means to succeed. If you think reading the Bible will bring you that big fat check you are waiting for you may find yourself highly disappointed. However, your spiritual life—your very soul—will prosper and you will succeed in living the life God intended for you and your treasure in Heaven will be massive!

 

So, be strong and courageous. Follow the path that God has laid before you. Turn to God’s Word for guidance in all things and you will find that He lights your path along the way (Psalm 119:105). Love the Lord with everything you have and spend time with Him daily and you will find that the days when it is harder to be strong and courageous that He will step in with His might and put the muscle in for you.

 

“For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:19)