Hiding

“Well then, you might say, ‘Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven’t they simply done what he makes them do?’” (Romans 9:19)

 

I love writing. My passion may have been hard to see lately, since my schedule has begun to overwhelm me again, but I do love writing. And I am not sure if it is the writing so much as that I feel obligated to do it. Because of this obligation I feel God is sometimes holding a magnifying glass to my life, somewhat like what salaried church staff may experience without my name being in the bulletin (oh yeah, and without the salary). I appreciate this magnifying glass immensely because not only is God using the jumbled up morning ramblings of a random woman to reach out to people but He has chipped away at the fortress I built around myself and there is very rarely anything in my life that everyone cannot see. You all walk this path with me and I may hesitate but I always end up sharing my struggles and my triumphs, regardless if you want to hear it or not. God is who I am accountable for in all things. Because I am in Him there is no hiding.

 

Sometimes I wish I had God’s knack for knowing everything that goes on in the heart of His children. Although, I will admit that the idea scares me. I believe God knows every miscellaneous thought that has crossed my brain and/or heart, which makes me want to hurl. There are days when I wish I could be with my kids throughout every moment like God is with me. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so scared of what they may encounter. There are other days when I am thankful for their trials because they will hopefully learn and grow from them as I have from mine. Whereas I cannot hide from God, my children (and anyone else for that matter) can hide from me. I pray for the day when my children love God the way that I do and know that there is no reality in hiding from the Creator of the universe.

 

I am thankful that our God is not holding strings and dictating our every move because then I don’t think life would be worth living. I am equally thankful that I feel extremely accountable to God and that He has placed people in my life to pick me up when I fall. Two days ago, if you were to ask me what my biggest fear would be I would have told you that I didn’t have one. Now, I realize that my biggest fear is what my children may choose to hide from me as they grow. I can tell you, I think with all honesty, that I, unlike God, do NOT want to know everything. I will be frank and say that there are somethings I would rather just pretend won’t happen. But I don’t want to be the parent with rose colored glasses who misses everything. I simply pray that as my children live their lives that they look to God, and the people He has placed in their lives, to help pick them up when they fall. I pray they realize there really is no hiding, no matter how well they guard themselves.

 

if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

 

Filling Up on God

“For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:26)

 

I volunteered to teach on Wednesday nights this year knowing that teaching is not a strong point for me, at least I don’t think so. But I love the Wednesday night program and I knew they needed leaders so here I am. I work with 5^th and 6^th graders, which is an interesting age. Some of the boys come in there pretending not to care about anything and some of the girls try really hard not to show their excitement because they actually enjoy it. I come in some nights dreading what’s ahead because trying to incorporate The Purpose Driven Life (current church study) into teaching points has been harder than we thought. If I am going to be honest I actually dread most nights because I don’t feel like I reach the kids; I feel like I do more shushing than teaching. But in the last couple weeks something has changed.

 

It started two weeks ago when I wasn’t even teaching. I had the night off to watch my daughter’s program and so my teaching partner took over and had the kids do a skit. That seemed to work so well that we did another one last week. That skit was awful! But the kids seemed to like the idea of skits so we tried it one more time last night. The kids were so great! We drew for parts, I had copies of the skit printed off for them, and they knew exactly where to make it funny. I was thoroughly impressed and so proud of them both during class and as they performed for the other classes.  I know we can’t do skits every week because not all the kids want to but I have all kinds of ideas running through my head for a future skit that I think would be amazing!

 

For the first time, in a long time, I really do feel some excitement for teaching. I know it may sound awful that I would teach and dread it at the same time but no matter how scared I am to teach I always leave each session touched and moved by the kids; it’s a weird cycle. But I wouldn’t be experiencing any of these things if I hadn’t stepped out of my comfort zone. I don’t think most people realize how happy I would be to hide behind this computer for anything and everything I do but God has other plans. I thank God this morning for laying things on me that I didn’t want and for pushing me when I wanted to stay. I thank Jesus for trusting me with these kids and for giving what we need to reach them. Once again I am reminded of how blessed I am and what a great family of faith I am a part of. God is good and I feel filled.

 

“So be careful how you live. Don’t be like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.  Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.  And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ephesians 5:15-20)

The Ones We Love

“You believe because you have seen. Blessed are those who believe without seeing” ~Jesus (John 20:29)

 

Have you ever heard that saying: you always hurt the ones you love. Or, how about the fact that you are more likely to die at the hand of someone in your family than a complete stranger. (Not sure if that is true or not but I know I have heard it somewhere.) In my Bible, after the Book of John, I have written: Jesus, how can I love You when I fail you so many times? I am pretty hard on myself some days. There are days when I fail in self-control, anger, or bad thinking and the disappointment washes over me and I wish I could hide from Jesus. However, King David let us know that there is no where we can hide where God cannot find us.

 

This weekend I was pretty upset and instead of keeping my mouth shut I made everything worse and picked an argument with my husband. I wasn’t even upset with him. I was just stressed out and tired.  I didn’t go out to start a fight but my bad attitude lead to one. I would have never done that with one of my friends, my parents, or the pastor of our church. Although I don’t think it at the time I know that my husband is not going anywhere and he will forgive me, so maybe there is safety there for me to let my guard down. Maybe the same is true with Jesus: I know He will forgive so it makes it that much harder to change sometimes.

 

I tell my oldest son that there comes a time when he just has to start making better choices on his own. I remind him that he is old enough now that I can’t be with him everywhere he goes and that my arm only stretches so far. I think it would be good to remember that although God is with us everywhere we go, a great feat I wish I could do with my own children, He knows that we are old enough now to make better choices. Just because we can’t see Him doesn’t mean He’s not there watching every success and seeing every stumble. I feel like my stumbles must hurt God somehow but it’s hard to change and I know He won’t stop loving me, which makes it even harder. Maybe that is why we can tell our kids over and over again the same thing and they still do it wrong; it’s because they know we won’t stop loving them or taking care of them….not much incentive there, huh. So, where do we find that incentive? How do we change? How do we stop hurting the ones that we love?

 

“I am the grapevine, and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mind that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.” (John 15:1-4)

The Gallows

“Caiaphas, who was high priest at that time, said, ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about! You don’t realize that it’s better for you that one man should die for the people than for the whole world to be destroyed.’” (John 11:49-50)

 

It’s quite a prophetic statement that Caiaphas made in the Gospel of John. Jesus did die for the people so that the world would not be destroyed. He died so we can live. What greater motivation could we have to serve Him than knowing this?

 

I am reading the “Soon” series by Jerry Jenkins. It’s a futuristic trilogy based after WWIII and once that war is over religion has been banned globally. Seeing as religious beliefs is what sets off many wars it isn’t far fetched to see the governments of the world unite and ban all religion and what a sad day that would be. I keep asking myself how I would respond. Would I gladly take imprisonment or death? Or would I hide and try to secretly spread the gospel? Or, even worse, would I, in a vain and earthly attempt to protect myself and my family, stop serving my God?

 

Christians in this world are not overly accepted by the mainstream. Even by our own families we can find ridicule and shame. In certain circles we are referred to as mindless sheep. People ask how we can serve a God who allows so much pain and suffering. People who don’t know, or who have had awful life experiences, find our beliefs unbelievable. I don’t know what to say to those arguments much of the time because it’s hard for me to explain how I crossed that invisible line of faith.

 

We are told in the Bible to always be watching and waiting for Jesus to arrive. I take this as also being reading to stand up for our faith. We have to be strong in prayer, strong at working together and strong in our knowledge of His Word. We have to live in anticipation and stay close to our Savior so that we will be ready for whatever He calls us to do, whenever that may be.

 

“So you, too, must keep watch!  For you don’t know what day your Lord is coming. Understand this: If a homeowner knew exactly when a burglar was coming, he would keep watch not permit his house to be broken into. You also must be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected.” (Matthew 24:42-44)

It’s Private

“Beware of these teachers of religious law! For they like to parade around in flowing robes and love to receive respectful greetings as they walk in the marketplaces. And, how they love the seats of honor in the synagogues and the head table at banquets.  Yet they shamelessly cheat widows out of their property and then pretend to be pious by making long prayers in public.  Because of this, they will surely be punished.” (Luke 20:45-47)

 

The versus in Luke 20 didn’t make me think of pastors or laypeople who act out their worship for all to see, so I am not sure that what I want to share will coincide with the verse I picked for this morning. However, it made me think of worship and my own worship.

 

We had talked about worship at our last small group and we asked what was easier: public or private worship. At first I thought they were the same to me because I try to bring God and walk with God everywhere I go. But then I realized that private worship (praying, studying, and reading at home) is easier for me than worshipping and praying with others. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to lift my hands in praise at church and I haven’t out of fear of what someone else might think. I could never capture into words how crazy my fear of public praying, especially me leading the prayers, has been over the years…even though it has subsided over time. Sharing my faith with others is tough for me because I always think of the right words hours after a conversation is over. And, although I teach on Wednesday nights, I always feel unqualified and unprepared.

 

But then I remember that God knows what is in my heart. He knows that I am a work in progress and He is the Builder, the Architect, and the Designer. God may recoil slightly at my fear of the thoughts of man but I know He knows how much I love Him and I work so hard to let Him know. Honestly, nothing I say is a good excuse as to why I restrain myself sometimes. And, while I am being honest, and letting my fingers ramble on for me, God continues to love me, bless me, and comfort me even as I shy away from His embrace in public (like a teenage son) or as I slip over the same stone over and over again. I am not worthy of the light that He has brought into my life but I am forever thankful.

 

I don’t know what my prayers are for you today. I am not sure which direction to go. However, I do know that we each need to serve and worship our Father and not because we will get some grand reward but because we want to love Him and adore Him as much as He does us. Let everything that is in me and every breath I take say I love You, my Lord.

 

“We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.” (Luke 17:10b)

It’s Breaking

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hunger, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?….No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” (Romans 8:35, 37)

 

Have I mentioned I love the weather we have had lately? It’s been cool and kind of rainy and for some reason I have been basking in it. I am not usually this excited about the cold coming in but it just seems like such a nice relief. However, with the cold hitting my skin I have noticed that stress and worry have been hitting my heart and maybe even my soul. Is it just me or does there seem to be more stress, breaking relationships, grief, and pain right now? Has the gray sky of the season blocked out our ability to see all the blessings in our lives?

 

Lord, I really don’t know what is going on but I know that so many people need so much healing. We need healing in our homes, in our relationships, in our bodies, and in our hearts. O God, please remind us that You are always near and always walking with us. Dear Jesus, help me, and everyone, peel away the layers that keep us from experiencing Your peace and comfort and the layers that keep us from the people I love or need to love. Lord, guide our hands, feet, and hearts towards Your will and Your perfect plan. May we chose to walk with You Lord and may You please give us the strength to do just that….even when it seems so much easier to walk away. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b)

Behind the Dryer

“For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.” (Mark 4:22)

 

(This would be a good day for everyone to remind me that I am not alone)

 

Why, or I guess I should say how, does it get so dirty behind/beside the washer and dryer? Or, how does it get so dirty under the fridge and oven? I would never let a magazine come and take pictures of my house because it just never looks that clean but we do try to keep it picked up. I spot clean during the week, do a good thorough clean on most Saturdays, but while doing trash the other day I see this weird build up on the side of my dryer….I felt defeated. Here I work and work to try to make our house look kind of nice (We have three kids and we actually live here so I am not too worried about it) but then something like that actually makes me want to stomp my foot and walk away from ever cleaning again.

 

Thinking about it my prayer and faith life is kind of like my cleaning schedule. During the week I pray and read and then on Sundays I get a personal overhaul and I worship with my family of faith. But I confess there are things that only God and my husband know about me. Kind of like the hidden dirt under the fridge, most people have thoughts pass through their mind unintentionally that they would never like to share. I would have to guess that a majority of us have done things we wish we hadn’t. No matter what, though, we cannot hide anything from God. He knows every inch of our being and was has been with us every step of the way.

 

So, I know I need to pull out my fridge and other appliances occasionally to clean under them to make it to where they don’t get terrible build up. What can we do not to get negative build up in our everyday lives? We need to guard our hearts and our minds. We need to go to God in prayer and let His Word shape us and guide us. We need to go to Him in all things and build up that relationship so that when the really hard stuff comes up we will feel confident in going to our Father instead of trying to hide it under the bed….shoot, I better clean under there again too! This will be never-ending until we are on His side of Heaven. We will continue to have bad days and make mistakes and God will continue to be there to listen and to give us grace. God is good, as always.

 

“For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.” (Colossians 3:3-4)