Silence is Golden

“A time to hear and a time to mend.  A time to be quiet and a time to speak.”  (Ecclesiastes 3:7)

 For a time I thought I have been experiencing a complete and total burnout.  I thought I was tired from long hours of homework, car pools, house cleaning (or lack there of), driving back and forth to wherever the kids need to be, and training at work which involved many long hours of staring at documents and spreadsheets and trying to remember what each one says. School is over, car pool is over, the kids are home more to help around the house, but now I have joined the planning team for VBS at church and that is keeping me very busy.  I have missed writing every morning but I haven’t been getting up in time to do it. I have felt lonely and like something was missing.

 This week I realized that nothing was missing.  Two things occurred to me at the same time.  First, I promised myself I wouldn’t write just to write and, honestly, I haven’t felt like saying anything lately. Second, nothing at all has been missing.  My plate is most definitely full and it’s full of really great stuff.  My daughter is in an amazing musical that has been eating up my weekends but I love being down at the theater and to be able to share this with her has been a blessing for me.  I love my job and the opportunities that have presented themselves to me.  I feel slightly overwhelmed but I know I am where I need to be and it’s going to be all good.  Finally, I am excited to be a part of VBS this year.  It’s crazy, stressful, and a blessing.  I am anxious to see the kids and the leaders walk through those doors Sunday night.  So, nothing has been missing.  God just helped me lighten my load a bit so that I could find balance.

 My relationship with Jesus may have changed a bit in the last couple of months.  I guess if I were to try to explain it I would say that up until May I was sitting down and having coffee with Him as we talked about life (thank you Sally).  Now, I feel like we aren’t talking to each other as much as we are building something great together.  He has never left my side and its okay that someone isn’t always talking in any relationship.  Silence is golden, or maybe silence is me going nuts from mixing too many things together.  So, if things seem crazy or you feel kind of off take a step back and try to see the bigger picture.  I am sure that you are in the midst of an opportunity and you will enjoy it more if you see it now than if you have to constantly look back on it later.

 “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it give us assurance about the things we cannot see.” (Hebrews 11:1)

Off Schedule

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

 

I believe my need for schedules really became apparent during the five-plus years I did daycare.  I averaged 4-5 children at a time all under the age of 4 and then some before and after-school kids as well.  About half-way into this new vocation I started taking classes online, working toward the accounting dream I never wanted to admit I had.  Schedules are huge in my life, which means I have excellent time management skills (toot-toot).  However, there is a definite limit to my superhero abilities. I can’t have too much on my plate, even though I try, and if anything throws me off of schedule I am worthless and cannot function to full capacity.

 

This leads to my recent silence.  The classes I am taking right now are overwhelming hard and extremely time consuming.  Last week I had two big tests to take and simply thinking about how hard the tests were going to be stressed me.  On top of that our daughter got a part in the next children’s musical and the parent’s meeting and rehearsals started last week.  And, to make my life ever-more so complicated I discovered that in a fight between a partially opened can and my hand I will always loose, so my right hand was slightly out of commission as well.  I balance my life precariously on a very fined tuned schedule and last week I was off of schedule and, as previously noted, when that happens I tend to not be able to do anything. I got the basics down: kids fed and dressed and I went to work everyday if anything got done above that it was an act of God and I was very thankful to have Him in my life.

 

I know God has a schedule.  I don’t understand it and I don’t think I have followed it very well in the past.  Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has good plans for our future.  I wonder, if when we take our destiny into our own hands, if we throw that schedule off.   I have been thinking that maybe God has point A and point B picked out, knowing we’ll get to point B eventually, but how we get there is up to us?  I know with every bone in my body that God made me an accountant and I love it.  I didn’t get to college right after high school.  In fact, I just kept making babies!  But even though I may have thrown my schedule off I am still arriving at point B.  Even though last week was a sticky walk in the mud for me I still made it through and everyone around me survived as well.  So, when you feel like you have continually messed up the big picture remember God will always show you a way to point B.  We just need to put things in perspective, which means putting our trust in God, and holding onto the hope and promise that God knows what He is doing even when we don’t.

 

“So be careful how you live.  Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (Ephesians 5:15-17)

Smarts

“Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?” (1 Kings 3:9)

 

Disciplining your children is so hard.   Actually, being a parent is tough in a lot of ways. You want your kids to be happy and enjoy being a kid but then you have to balance that out with making sure you give them structure and correction at the same time.  When I woke up this morning the first thought in my head was asking God to help show me the way.  My prayers were swimming in questions of guidance and understanding as a parent. Coincidentally, I also read 1 Kings 3: 1-15. I love it when God lets me know He is there and He is listening.

 

Parenting is interesting. We have done things right and we have done things wrong and as we enter into the their teen years it’s not so much about how much we work to make our kids great, it’s about how hard they work to help make their own lives better.  I feel like we are in gridlock some days.  We are constantly, not in a pushy way, giving our children the tools they need to be independent, responsible, and community oriented adults.  We try really hard to live by example.  They may be successful, they may rebel, or they’ll probably do a really kid mix of the two. That’s just our three children. Imagine being the Parent of all of creation!

 

I woke up this morning begging God for guidance.  He gave it to me.  God knows better than anyone how frustrating it is to raise up children who, at times, make bad decisions and don’t get it no matter how many times it is explained.  I was one of those kids!  And I don’t know what path is laid out before my children but I do pray about it everyday.  Most of what I do is to help the kids and to encourage and build them up.  I love being a mom and I have absolutely amazing children.  The smarts I want my children to embrace in life (hopefully sooner than later) come from the ultimate wisdom of God.  Even as old and used up as you may think the Bible is, everything is found right there:  love and live; get rich quick doesn’t work (Proverbs 22:8), laziness doesn’t pay out well either (Romans 12:11), be smart with your finances (Proverbs 21:20), forgive often (Matthew 6: 14-15), and much MUCH more: respect your parents, parents love your children, husbands and wives love each other and adore each other, give give give!!! It’s all right there.  I just hope I am listening as God helps me help them.

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

You May Not Agree with Me

“You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” (Genesis 4:7-8)

Iowa passed a law allowing same-sex marriage last week. I was not surprised at all. I expected the ruling to go down that way and a part of me is really struggling because I agree with it. Yes, me, the Bible-loving, God fearing, praying, joyful, Christian that I am is very torn because the legal rules, separation of church and state, side of me sees the point. I chose my faith. I chose to follow God and His ways and His design for life, marriage, love, and everything outside and in between. Although I will tell you to get involved in politics, go to meetings, vote as often as you can so that people we want to represent us are in office I do not believe that our Christian disciplines should be forced on anyone.

I know that a homosexual lifestyle is not what I teach my children and it’s not what I want for my children, I can be honest about that. However, I know if one of my children chose that I would still love them and still have them over for dinner. (Why dinner is sticking out in my mind I don’t know.) Then I think of God. He not only loves my gay child but also loves his or her partner, so I would invite that person over for dinner. My children would get a taste of the unconditional love the Father has for us through me even knowing that I don’t approve of their life style. Punishment for sin, and separation from God, is not something I have the right to dish out. And that gay child, believing with all of their heart that Jesus died for his or her sins, has a place in Heaven. There are sins that I struggle with daily that weigh no more than any other sin. The best I believe we can do is strive to live the life that God has planned for us and shine Jesus’ light for the world to see.

The state determining who can be legally united does not diminish the sanctity of marriage. The sanctity of marriage is what WE make of it and how we help other find the beauty in what God originally designed for us. Look at what heterosexual marriages have brought into our society over the last 50 years. When it comes to defending the sanctity of marriage, traditional marriages haven’t done such a great job of being the leaders in good marriages and monogamy in our country today. If we seriously want to make a difference in the world it has to start in our own marriages and then we have to learn to love the way God loves. I cannot stress enough how badly I mess up everyday and every time I go to the cross He forgives me. His example is excellent and perfect. So, you may not agree with me (I am not sure I do) but I just think that God has better ways for us to reach out and in than to verbally or legally attack people whose lifestyles are different than ours and I am sure there is a line there too….

“So the trouble is not with the laws, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good.” (Romans 7:14-16)

Hiding

“Well then, you might say, ‘Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven’t they simply done what he makes them do?’” (Romans 9:19)

 

I love writing. My passion may have been hard to see lately, since my schedule has begun to overwhelm me again, but I do love writing. And I am not sure if it is the writing so much as that I feel obligated to do it. Because of this obligation I feel God is sometimes holding a magnifying glass to my life, somewhat like what salaried church staff may experience without my name being in the bulletin (oh yeah, and without the salary). I appreciate this magnifying glass immensely because not only is God using the jumbled up morning ramblings of a random woman to reach out to people but He has chipped away at the fortress I built around myself and there is very rarely anything in my life that everyone cannot see. You all walk this path with me and I may hesitate but I always end up sharing my struggles and my triumphs, regardless if you want to hear it or not. God is who I am accountable for in all things. Because I am in Him there is no hiding.

 

Sometimes I wish I had God’s knack for knowing everything that goes on in the heart of His children. Although, I will admit that the idea scares me. I believe God knows every miscellaneous thought that has crossed my brain and/or heart, which makes me want to hurl. There are days when I wish I could be with my kids throughout every moment like God is with me. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so scared of what they may encounter. There are other days when I am thankful for their trials because they will hopefully learn and grow from them as I have from mine. Whereas I cannot hide from God, my children (and anyone else for that matter) can hide from me. I pray for the day when my children love God the way that I do and know that there is no reality in hiding from the Creator of the universe.

 

I am thankful that our God is not holding strings and dictating our every move because then I don’t think life would be worth living. I am equally thankful that I feel extremely accountable to God and that He has placed people in my life to pick me up when I fall. Two days ago, if you were to ask me what my biggest fear would be I would have told you that I didn’t have one. Now, I realize that my biggest fear is what my children may choose to hide from me as they grow. I can tell you, I think with all honesty, that I, unlike God, do NOT want to know everything. I will be frank and say that there are somethings I would rather just pretend won’t happen. But I don’t want to be the parent with rose colored glasses who misses everything. I simply pray that as my children live their lives that they look to God, and the people He has placed in their lives, to help pick them up when they fall. I pray they realize there really is no hiding, no matter how well they guard themselves.

 

if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

 

Dedication

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” (Mark 12:20)

 

My oldest son has decided to go out for track. This will be his first official school sport. Oh, he has been playing sports for seven years but those were with leagues in the city. The expectations are much higher with the school. He is now a representative of his school and his coaches have very high expectations of him and his fellow teammates. I can hope he realizes and embraces this choice he has made. I also hope this helps him focus, although I am not holding my breath. He is, after all, starting to knock on that door of being a teenager.

 

I think of how many times I have tried something new. Sometimes I know what is expected of me up front like teaching on Wednesday nights. There are other times when I have no clue what I have gotten myself into like the mission project I am working on right now (it’s coming along slowly).  Each time I have put myself out there God has molded me. Sometimes He lets me know that what I just tried need not be tried again. Other times he nudges me to dig deeper because I have hit the sweet spot. Either way, God is right there as I try to be purposeful about searching and seeking out the plans God has for me. Anyone who says living for God, and His will, is easy simply doesn’t know. Living for God takes dedication.

 

It’s this dedication that I pray my son gets a good taste of. I pray that the hard work he is going to put forth over the next six weeks will demonstrate how hard work pays off and how rewarding it is to be part of a team, achieve goals, and honorably represent something bigger than himself. I actually pray this for all my children. As we live in such a self centered culture I really hope my children think outside of themselves and grow serving hearts. I want them to be dedicated to God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength. Let’s see if we can’t all be more dedicated to God and the higher calling He has on our lives. Let us all get into this race, hit the track hard, and run to win.

 

“And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” (Hebrews 12: 1a-2a)

The Cell Phone Devotion

“After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the might things he had done for Israel.” (Judges 2:10)

 

Have we forgotten that we are parents? Has there been some event that happened, which I missed, where children had the right or privilege to do what they want when they want to do it?  I am just curious because on the radio yesterday the DJ was talking with a mother who was so grateful that the cell phone could block times in the day when her daughter could not text because the daughter was texting at dinner and this would stop that. Of those of you who know me personally, you know exactly what I thought of that. Maybe it’s because I don’t like cell phones. Maybe it’s because I think it is ridiculous how many children have cell phones with no appreciation for the cost or the reason to have them and if I offend you, I am sorry. If it makes you feel any better I don’t like my cell phone either and use it as little as possible.   

 

It’s not only cell phones though! It’s clothes, nails, prom dresses, 16-year old temper tantrums (I did do that), and a complete lack of respect. As parents we have all this pressure to live up to society’s standards of what our children “need” and if we let them our kids will play us on that.  I will be the first to admit that I was a spoiled brat but I paid for my own gas and if I wanted my nails done and I paid for it because I wouldn’t have asked my parents for that money because I was forced to work. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I suddenly decided not to work. I paid for my prom dresses and my own car insurance. I didn’t balance my books well but I balanced them. I have seen so many teens steamroll their parents and I sit back speechless.

 

In a time when parents want to blame the culture and society for the angst happening amongst our young it’s time to remember that the schools, radio stations, televisions, and even the churches are not who need to be raising our children. It is us. We can use many avenues to train up our children to the responsible adults we want them to be but they have to be tools and not babysitters. And, I am not denying that we can do all the right things for our kids and they may still make bad choices but don’t let the world convince you that you might as well give up! Let us not lead a generation to fall away if we are not around but a generation who wants to snag God’s torch from our hands because they are simply that strong in Jesus, in faith, in responsibility, and in leading. We are the parents, we are the leaders, and God has given us a job let’s make sure we do it right because we won’t get a second chance.

 

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

Made to Love

“Understand, therefore, that the Lord your god is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.” (Deuteronomy 7:9)

 

I have felt jumbled lately, which makes it harder to write. With so many things spinning around in my brain I have a hard time focusing enough to write. Writing has become such an unexpected blessing in my life that I feel incomplete when I can’t do it but if I don’t know what to say it’s better not to say anything. This morning I am going to let a book say it for me.

 

I am reading The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. My Bible study group is going to be doing this study in a couple weeks and my girlfriend gave me a copy for my birthday. I don’t usually enjoy reading when I am told to do it. I think it forces me to text book mode. Anyway, I was reading it yesterday as I waited in the carpool line. Listen (or read) this: “You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way

around.” (p. 97). I have been thinking about this line ever since. I guess you could say I am meditating on it.

 

Have you ever noticed the hurt and anger in someone’s voice when they talk about their anger toward God? When someone questions the evils of the world and can’t make sense of a god when there is so much terror, genocide, and violence in a “perfect, God-made, world” can you feel their disgust?  I learned a long time ago it usually takes loving someone very much to get to the point where you are disgusted by them. Faith in this world is a tough thing and it takes acknowledging that you will not always understand everything, things will not always go your way, the road will almost never be easy, and pain will come in the same waves as joy.  

 

I wondered around long enough, living in my own world and my own pleasures and my own selfishness that I can tell you that once I learned to love God and receive His love I felt whole.  I didn’t understand anything any more or less par se. But I realized that I was loved unconditionally, something I didn’t understand until that moment and that made a bigger difference than I can describe. I am sure other people had tried to show me that unconditional love but I didn’t get it. I get it now and in turn I try to love in the same way. It’s a bumpy road but I want my children, my husband, my family, my friends, and my family of faith to know this love and to live in it; not making the world any easier to live in but making it a life worth living.

 

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Embarrassingly Naked

“I tried to relieve your fears: ‘Don’t be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; he’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries a child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God—‘” (Deuteronomy 1:29-31 The Message)

 

I am overwhelmed with family. I am overwhelmed with school. I am overwhelmed with a special needs child. I am overwhelmed trying to be the wife and mother I am called to be. I am overwhelmed with busyness but then overwhelmed when I can’t think of what to do. I am overwhelmed trying to be healthy and lose weight. I am overwhelmed with our finances. I am overwhelmed trying to keep a house and I am overwhelmed trying to keep my faith in line when there are days when it feels like the balls I so precariously juggle are bouncing down the road and I am overwhelmed keeping chasing them down. And what is it again that I try to teach over and over again? I shout out constantly that God is good, when we hand everything over to God we will find peace, and (my favorite) God has a beautiful and perfect plan. Once again it is easier said than done.

 

With all that you may find it incredible that I have peace and reassurance in my faith. In spite of being terribly overwhelmed, some days anyway, I can usually go with the flow fairly well. God has found ways to remind me that I am where I am and, honestly, I couldn’t and wouldn’t change a thing. I love my husband and so I love being his wife. I adore my children and so even the hard days are a joy. I love accounting so work is a reward. I believe I am a student by nature and so school is something I look forward to. And, as far as the juggling….I have never been very good at balance so it’s no wonder that I drop the ball quite often.

 

My point is that everything is about perspective. Yes, I will be the first to admit that there is a lot going on but we have a home, we have food, we have power, we have jobs, we are healthy, and we have an amazing family and circle of friends. God is good. In the chaos of it all I take a big deep breath in and I breath out and I put one foot in front of the other and I smile because, even on the cloudiest day, I am still standing in the Sun.

 

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your hear to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:5-8)

Silver Bells

“He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ’s blood on the cross.” (Colossians 1:20b)

 

As soon as someone says, “silver bells” I am immediately singing the song in my head so obviously when I hear, or see, bells my mind brings me straight to Christmas. There are many songs with bells in them that we sing at Christmastime but I didn’t have time this morning to really research why history has associated bells with this season (think Salvation Army) or how long bells have belonged to this holiday. I guess I will have to do that another time.

 

My parents get us a silver bell every year. I am staring at my “silver bell tree” right now! Each bell has on it the year and ours go back to 2000 and I know there is a bell under Mom and Dad’s tree right now for me. I get excited every year as I open it even though I know exactly what it is going to look like. You see, my grandpa had given my parents a bell every year and now my parents are giving their daughters one as well. I think it is a neat tradition that they are passing down and I imagine I will do this for my own children. Can you imagine what it is going to be like to sort out these bells as one generation passes it on to the next as it passes on? Morbid thought I know but reality all the same.

 

I enjoy my bells very much. To me they represent my family and many memories. However, as I sit here pondering my thoughts I really wish that one of the things my parents would have been adamant to give us would have been faith. These bells do make me think of Jesus and His birth but I can’t take them with me when I die. Parents have a wonderful opportunity to pass things down and build traditions in their families. Are the things you are passing down and the traditions you are creating something your children can take with them for eternity and do they bring them closer to Jesus? I don’t know about you but that is an excellent question for me to dig into.

 

 

“In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matter, and he lives in all of us.” (Colossians 3:11)