Doing Everything Wrong

“He seized the dragon—that old serpent, who is the devil, Satan—and abound him in chains for a thousand years. The angel threw him into the bottomless pit, which he then shut and locked so Satan could not deceive the nations anymore until the thousand years were finished.” (Revelations 20:2-3a)

 

I spent most of yesterday afternoon at the hospital with my sisters. The middle of the three of us had to be admitted. She had some bleeding on her brain that has stopped. However, it has caused her to struggle with her speech and some of her motor skills on her right side. They will be running more tests on her this morning to determine what happened and how to fix it. I was, of course, panicked when I got the phone call but a very good friend talked me through it. Then on the way home I was sad to leave her. Finally, as I am sure my body was completely drained of energy from the day, I realized how lucky we were that she was still alive and I spent the rest of the evening near, or at, tears. I went to bed, and then woke up, very thankful that I get to call her and visit her today….again, on the brink of tears.

 

I feel like I am doing everything wrong lately. I spend lots of my time eating too much, not sleeping enough, being stressed, worrying too much, and being angry too much. It sounds weird just typing that out because, on the other hand, I have been trying to focus on God, filled with adoration for Him, and loving seeing Jesus in so much of my everyday. There are obviously two sides of me at conflict right now and when I realize this I get even angrier because I know how it all ends. Jesus wins. We win. The devil, and all the fallen things of this world, will lose! We know the end of the story. Satan knows the end of the story. So, why then, do have moments when we struggle with direction, with life, and with our emotions and choices. God has simplified everything so well but I continue to make it so hard.

 

I was reminded yesterday of what a sweet gift God has given us with our loved ones and I don’t want to waste any of the time I have with the people in my life or the job that God has given me. It’s hard to walk in the Light when you carry too much on your back, and I have been carrying too much on my back. My prayer today is that I will start handing over my worries, my eating, my sleeping, and my stress to God and let Him carry them. He is much better at carrying that kind of stuff than me anyway. And we need to remember that we can chose to live in the struggles of this world or we can choose to live in the victory that we know is Christ Jesus. I want to choose victory!

 

“I saw no temple in the city, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of the day because there is no night there. And all the nations will bring their glory and honor into the city. Nothing evil will be allowed to enter, nor anyone who practices shameful idolatry and dishonesty—-but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.” (Revelations 21:22-27)

 

It’s Going to Happen

“Wisdom belongs to the aged, and understanding to the old.” (Job 12:12)

 

So, I work with my sister. She came into my office yesterday and we just sitting there talking when she really grasped the extent of how much grey hair I really do I have. Nothing interrupts a conversation like the amazing discovering that, yes, your big sister has grey hair. My greys hide well in the massive amount of dark brown, but I promise you they are there and they are multiplying. Then, as I look in the mirror I have noticed that my laughter and my happy days are beginning to etch themselves on my face around my eyes and mouth. In the back of my mind I feel this little whisper telling me I should be sad at these changes. However, I am not who was last year, five years ago, or 10 years ago… why would I want to look like I did at those times?

 

God changes us from the inside out. I can joyfully shout that I am not the selfish and spoiled person I was before and I can happily embrace how God has done wonders in my life. I can also look in the mirror and see the changes as time goes by and thank God for those as well. It’s not as easy to thank God for wrinkles and grey hair but with each day I get one more step closer to heaven and if this is what I have to go through to get there I am fine with that.

 

Where are going to get older, no matter how hard we try not to. Although I wouldn’t say I have a huge level of maturity, so please don’t judge how much I have grown up by that, but I do believe that when I attach myself to God’s Word I can find wisdom and understanding. I may have baby crows feet and tons of grey hair (I think it’s silver) but I actually think it’s pretty fun; like getting to play the role of a grown-up without having to be one. Seriously, we are going to get older and with that comes aging….like a fine wine. Why fight this? Why be upset by this? We need to thank God for everyday we get to live in His light. We need to stand in awe at the way he made us ever-changing inside and out! And we need to find the beauty in our experiences so that we can share it with all those who are following in our footsteps. 

 

“I see that the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right before me. No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope.  For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your Holy One to rot in the grave You have show me the way of life, and you will fill me with the joy of your presence.” (Acts 2: 25b-28)