The Clicking Noise

“But I trust in your unfailing love, I will rejoice because you have rescued me.” (Psalm 13:5) 

I hung up the phone and threw it on my bed.  I paced the room a little bit trying to catch my breath.  At that moment, being in my room was like a sick joke that was about me so I went into the hallway.  No one else was home.  It was dark.  I screamed.  My entire body ached at the power and magnitude of that scream.  My throat was still sore the next day.  

Something clicked and I can say that I am fairly certain I heard the noise the clicking made.  Lots of people would say this was my “light bulb” moment or my “ah-ha” moment.  But those descriptions imply something good has been discovered.  I think this is more like the clicking sound that a gun makes as the chamber is rotated and it’s pointed at what I thought was real but wasn’t; it’s pointed at the lie, which is slowly uncovering the truth.  The truth is most certainly ugly but it is what it is.  There is nothing I can do about it now but trust in the Lord and know He will always bring me through. 

I prayed to God for strength but I got weaker and more pathetic until the only thing left to do was to fall over Him and rely on His strength.  Since that prayer didn’t go quite the way I had envisioned I am now scared to ask for patience….or any other fruit of the Spirit!  Maybe, I should wait until I am ready to ask for the patience and instead to ask for this clicking noise to go away.  It’s like the second hand on the clock and totally grading on my nerves.  What is that clicking noise telling me?  Is it telling me it’s dead or, is it like the second hand and not the chamber of a gun, telling me there is still more time? 

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  There is no law against these things!” (Galatians 5:22-23)

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